25 August 2011

F everyone's I

I have been advised by countless individuals since the carbaby incident that I should just have a homebirth this time. I looked into it, assisted by a number of variously connected and convicted people. Here is why I'm going to disappoint everyone.

I cannot have a homebirth for the same reason that I need one; namely, my precipitous labors in combination with my distance from a maternity hospital. I have been unable to find a homebirth midwife who can get to my house in well over twice the time my last labor took (or the three before that). If there were such a person, she could not without use of a tesseract get me to a hospital quickly in the event that we should need to go (and I thank everyone who has refused to offer me false security along the lines of probably not needing to go anyway).

Although I live in a very small town surrounded by cornfields, I'm not light years from civilization. There are four hospitals with maternity services within 45 minutes of my house. For the factors we have to consider, that's not close enough. I, with my good health and good L&D history, am a good candidate for homebirth. Our baby, to the much more limited extent that this can be determined, appears to be a good candidate for homebirth. Our home isn't. Delivery options are not the universal Burger King menu that pregnancy books make them out to be.

This leaves me with a few other choices, none of which are good. But a [competently attended] homebirth, I learned, was never really among them. So I'm pretty blamed unhappy about the situation, and ever moreso as we see the day approaching. :(

28 comments:

Cheryl said...

Rebekah, I am sorry for the lack of desirable options for you. :-(

Now, please help me. I am totally lost trying to figure out the title of this blog post. Translation?

jeni said...

Cheryl, I think she's saying For Everyone's Information.

Rebekah, please correct me if I'm wrong!

Katy said...

LOL. I had trouble with the title, too, but after coming up with an alternate I know you would never think up, Rebekah, I settled on the same conclusion as Jeni. Also, my house is not home-birth worthy, either. Even though a midwife is 15 minutes away and we have 3 hospitals within 5-10 minutes of our house, there's no way I'm going to do this at home. I like the vacation feel of hospital (for the first day only...)

Cheryl said...

Thanks, Jeni and Katy, for enlightening me! I too knew it couldn't be that other thing but for the life of me I couldn't think of what it could be. I'm betting you are both right (and feeling ashamed that my mind was apparently too much in the gutter to think of it myself)!

Glenda said...

I think, then, you're best bet is to have Dad brush up on "What to Do When Baby Comes NOW!" (preferably not at Latin time, although we would understand that somethings do take precedence even over Latin!) :-)

Heather Best said...

I am in kind of the same boat. I have looked into having a midwife/homebirth since the first baby and the only midwife that is close enough is rude and expensive- not a good combo. There are several within 45 minutes, but they don't drive that far and there is no birth center for me to drive to.

So I have tried my very best to make peace with the ob/gyn hospital route- which is not easy considering that the doctor asks me EVERY TIME if I want my tubes tied and tells me I need birth control.

If I could just show up at the hospital and have the baby and then a few hours later go home, I wouldn't have such a problem with it. But they hold me hostage for 24 hours. They told me that I could sign myself out, but if I tried to take the baby home they would call child services. So basically, in my state, you can legally abort your child, but you cannot take them home from the hospital until the doc says you can. (end of rant) Sorry, over the years this has become a touchy subject. :)

Untamed Shrew said...

Totally what Heather said. I very much envy anyone who can sleep in a hospital.

Rebekah said...

:D Yes, For Everyone's Information, since so many people have seen fit to share their opinions on the topic with me (although now I'm really curious what "I" could stand for otherwise). Also of note is the fact that it hasn't mainly been homebirth partisans who have offered this suggestion, but more people who just seem vaguely aware that there is such a thing and haven't really considered the mechanics.

I've got zero love for the hospital experience, but I do at least go to a nice papist one where I never get bugged by eugenicists and a friendly nun comes to chat with me.

Rebekah said...

Oh, and Glenda, he's feeling pretty confident after last time. He'll wash his hands and not miss a Gallic battle. :D

Anonymous said...

"So I have tried my very best to make peace with the ob/gyn hospital route- which is not easy considering that the doctor asks me EVERY TIME if I want my tubes tied and tells me I need birth control."


When folks give me unsolicited advice like that I give them a great big smile and literally laugh out loud and say something like, "Bless your heart! Haven't you heard of Diversity!! Not everyone is the same!! I am fine doing what I am doing! I am creating my own reality." I just give them a dose of their own PC medicine right back at them, laughing all the way.


I had precipitous labor with my first and was induced with my second.

Anyway, just think outside the box. You are an outlier anyway.

Katy said...

"I am creating my own reality." Haha! I stopped being offended two babies ago by "family planning" suggestions. I just remember doctors' offices are businesses, and that means upselling, which is how I view birth control recommendations, certain prenatal tests, etc. Someday I may present the counter-argument that an obgyn practice will probably make more money off me continuing as I am...assuming God allows us to continue as we are.

Rebekah said...

Katy, I always think that too--I'm a very reliable customer and easy to work with. They should have punch cards so your eleventh baby is free.

Bikermom said...

All my kids have been born in the same hospital and my nurses all seem to remember me. That has been nice. I left my original OBGYN for the tube tying statements. I guess I feel blessed I have not had any of these stupid comments made since (kid number three).

Rebekah - I am proud of you for just doing what is needed to take care of you and your blessings. We should never apologize or feel guilt over what we and our spouses work out together. If home birth is perfect for some fine. It probably would have worked for me but I like my doc and we have had a good working relationship through it all. If it aint broke - don't fix it. I don't know if that makes sense but I guess I get sad that decisions about where to deliver our babies seem a public issue????? Why? You know the what and why for of your decisions and hey, car births, wagon births, bathroom births....happen and have happened.....

My doc just has me come in more or at least quickly upon ANY hint of labor and I manage to get there or rather....hubby and I manage. If we didn't and clearly you didn't.....it still worked....right???

Anonymous said...

My lazy eyes read the headline as

F's Everyone!

and I thought grades were being assigned...

And anon upstream, that diversity, etc. comeback is a winner!

Mrs. Reverend Doctor said...

I have had 1 hospital birth and 2 homebirths, the next baby I think I'll have in a free standing birth center so I can write a book with firsthand knowledge of all options...well except I've never had a c-section or a baby in a car. I would advise you to get a hombirth kit and keep it in your car maybe you can get a midwife student to move in with you...Ok, I'm no real help at all.

MooreMama said...

I'm not sure that midwives are even allowed to perform homebirths in my state. I know that I've never even heard about anyone having an (assisted, non-accidental) homebirth in my general area.

Emotionally/neurotically, I was no where near a candidate for a homebirth with my first or second child. Now... maybe. But (and I'm pretty sure I've said it before) I am really really grateful to have Possibly the Most Understanding, Non-Judgemental Ever OB. He's pretty much said that I can do whatever I want (labor-wise) as long as I don't ask him to get in a tub with me.

I wish that you had more satisfying options, Rebekah.

Rebekah said...

Bikermom, that's exactly what my doc said as we reviewed my options . . . less than ideal environment notwithstanding, it did go OK (mad props once again to the husband who totally handled it).

Mrs Rev Doc, we actually had a cord clamp and bulb syringe in the glove compartment given to me by a previous midwife who didn't trust me not to pull the stunt. In the heat of the the moment (which is to say, the Arctic blast), we totally forgot about them. :D

MM, I'm also in a more restricted state. Although I'm no fan of leviathan state and its intrusion on my life, I'm very suspicious of someone who believes so much in homebirth that she will put her own liability on the line in order to attend one. Forgive me for being so Randian, but I don't think homebirth is a noble enough cause for this kind of charity.

Megan said...

Nine days ago I had my first homebirth, after three good hospital births. I would love to say that it was for all the noble reasons, but mostly it's because the idea of sharing a room with another woman (or two) and her baby immediately after birth sent shivers down my spine.

Birth at home was awesome and I am now a believer. I'm sorry that it's not an option for you. Living in the land of the fruits and the nuts (aka California) does have it's advantages. One is plenty of vitamin D, another is legal homebirth and home school.

lisa said...

haha - I thought I was for Inquiries. :D

Yes, really, a tesseract would simplify matters. I'll take two.

PinkPeony said...

I am neither pro/con homebirth, but if you are interested in options, there are traveling midwives that come to your home and stay for 2+ weeks (sometimes longer).
As for why someone would be a midwife, even though it is illegal? There are mothers who have dreadful hospital births and refuse to return. Shouldn't they have a skilled attendant? Especially considering the reasons the govt restricts homebirth.
Many blessings on your birth.

Rebekah said...

PP, I understand that there are people who attend births illegally. I believe this (although it may be meant kindly) is imprudent, and I value prudence in a birth attendant. Regardless, I have been unable to find a homebirth attendant of any kind.

Rebekah said...

Oh yeah, and it wouldn't matter anyway because I am also, as I said, of the belief that 45 minutes is too great a distance between a hospital and a homebirth.

jeni said...

Rebekah, I originally thought the 'I' stood for Input. Man, I'm rotten. Then I figured out that since you seem so nice and respectable, you likely wouldn't post what I thought you did. It was quite an investigation!

Praying for a safe and vehicle-free labor and delivery for you this time around.

Melrose said...

Rebekah, guess we're in this no good option boat together. It is sad and it just plain stinks. I'm traveling 3 1/2 hrs for my care provider this time out of necessity. My last labor was 4 hrs. party on.

The temptation illegal care providers give to those of us in very bad situations of no good options for care is sad. I have had experience with two such women. One was actually qualified and as such found a way to make herself legal by crossing state lines with her clients. The other was not qualified and thought she was and gives all midwives out there who are worth their salt a very bad name. I know the mission to "save birth for women" these illegal care providers are on but I wish they would either move to another state or stay merely a good encouragement and educator until the fight wins them legal status.

Rebekah said...

Aw, Melrose, I could boohoo with you all day. I live close to another state which lifted many of its midwifery restrictions recently. My rockin midwife for Baby 3 started practicing over there and now I can't have her any more. :( I actually asked her about homebirth back with Baby 3 and she was the first person who told me we just lived too far out. But you've got it way worse than I do and you're in my prayers.

Jeni, ha! I'm not that respectable but I do try to fake it. Thank you for your prayers.

PP, I'm sorry you caught me crabby this morning. :P Thanks for caring.

And Megan, I'm sorry I missed you higher up--congrats!

Anonymous said...

I know this is massively OT, so sorry about that, but what is the deal at Lutherans & Procreation? Are they abandoning that blog?

Rebekah said...

Anon, beats me.

Jody S. said...

More options:

I like spinningbabies.org (or is that .com?). Anyway, instead of trying the exercises to spin your baby the right way, try to do them the opposite way to wedge that baby in real good! Buy yourself some time :)

OR plan your family vacation to coincide with the time near your due date. . . for the hotel right next to your hospital! It'll be especially fun if it has an indoor heated pool for the kids. . . and if you still can't get to the hospital on time, just jump in for a handy-dandy waterbirth.

But really, I'm sorry you're in that position.