17 August 2011

Sorry, I have to wash my hair that day.

I have questioned my husband and learned that at his various conventicles, conferences, and clambakes he is never expected to sing songs with actions or props, make foam crafts, pray prayers used by a host church's preschool, wrap a colleague in toilet paper, smell some viscous mass out of a diaper, or share factoids about himself by means of a vacuous anagram while wearing a stupid hat.*

So tell me: do women actually like doing these things? Or are we being enslaved by an oligarchy of crazed female event planners who either truly enjoy puerile diversions themselves or, more sinisterly, enjoy watching other women being forced into such performances?

Because pregnancy needs more indignities.

*Even men must beware; there are entities in which it is considered good form for them to share extremely personal information with groups of acquaintances, possibly facilitated in the endeavor by weeping.

8 comments:

Gauntlets said...

Yes. This is because in addition to being crazy, all women are mean.

HA HA HA! Just kidding, girls. Sort of.

HappyFox said...

Lol Gauntlets!

I try not to take part in any of that crap. At first, I thought you were describing VBS activities. That alone should say something about both baby showers and VBS.

Melrose said...

Gauntlets: agreed.

Reb. Mary said...

Preschool conferences. My husband recently attended one, and came home sporting a newspaper hat that the presenter made expressly for him after noticing that he and another pastor dude were lurking in a corner rather than doing whatever hippo dance along with everyone else.

Because, you know, what pastor who's present in an official capacity wouldn't want to do the hippo dance in a room full of mostly middle-aged women?

Wonder why they can't talk more pastors into attending.

Rebekah said...

Gauntlets, we're getting pretty sick of your misogyny.

Preschool, women's retreats, showers, VBS, lock-ins . . . all indistinguishable.

Untamed Shrew said...

I'm not sure which is worse: having to go through a traditional shower in all its humiliation, or having a parishioner insist that we need to do a spa shower and everyone get mani'$ and pedi'$ and maybe ma$$age$ and facial$. Just email me your guest list, okay? I promise, no one will hate you for asking them to spend $174, and you won't hate us for sending you home empty-handed, because your hands will look so pretty!

erm. . . .

Emily Cook said...

LOL!
These are the moments when I inwardly encourage myself to just be a good sport... just be a good sport... roll only your inward eyes and be a good sport...

Anonymous said...

If we could just have food parties, that would be perfect.