When we vicared out on the East Coast, yea those
many years ago, my husband was Vicar Lastname, and I was Mrs. Lastname. At the
time, this felt a little funny to me, because I felt very young, and also
because I was still fairly new at being Mrs. Lastname. But it also felt
appropriate, because I did some substitute teaching at the church’s school.
Fast forward to my husband’s first Call. We arrived
with a six-week-old, so the question of how our kid(s) would address people was
initially moot, but I noticed that kids tended to Firstname adults, even those
old enough to be their grandparents. My husband was Pastor Lastname, and I was
Firstname. There weren’t zillions of “youth” running around, and I didn’t have
much interaction with them, and I still felt young and quite inexperienced at
pastoral wifery, so I didn’t think much of being Firstnamed.
Then our kids started getting old enough to talk. (This
took quite some time, as our firstborn was a conscientious speech dissenter for
nearly three years, and it was nearly another two years after that before he’d
condescend to speak to people in public.) We decided to establish a policy of
using “titles of respect,” as the good ol’ grammar books call them. While there
are a few people who so persistently Firstnamed themselves that we just let our
kids Firstname them, our kids address most adults as Mr.-, Mrs.-, Pastor-, Dr.-,
etc., -Lastname.
Fast forward to my husband’s present call. There are
lots of “youth” running around, and I have more interaction with them. My
husband is still Pastor Lastname, and I am again Firstname, as are most other
adults. Even in Little League, our kid was the only one to Coach Lastname his
coach; the other kids called him by his first name. I dunno; this just isn’t
how I was brought up (see how old and matronly I’m getting?!). I would never
have dreamed of Firstnaming my Sunday School teachers, or even the “cool” youth
director at the church we attended when I was in middle school. I still think
of my high school friends’ parents as Mr. and Mrs. Lastname.
I stand firmly by our decision to make our kids the “weird”
ones who don’t Firstname everybody; and many people (older folks at church especially)
seem to appreciate it.* It’s kind of funny when my third-grader Mrs. Lastnames someone
in the same interaction that her preschooler Firstnames me. Generally speaking,
I have enough things in life to fret about without being annoyed by a knee-high
rugrat presuming upon the use of my first name, but there are times when I do feel
that Firstnaming does convey, even facilitate, a certain lack of respect (see?
Old and matronly again).
For instance, a certain neighborhood waif often
drifts over to play with our kids. It’s fairly apparent that the poor child has
received little guidance from her parents in many regards, and I find myself in
the unasked-for and frankly undesirable position of having to be quite firm
with her regarding the rules while she is on our grounds and the times at which
she must depart said grounds. In such a case, I do find it quite annoying to be
Firstnamed by someone who has yet to attain a decade of life, and I wonder
whether this reluctant job of mine might be easier, were we not assumed to be
on a Firstname basis. (My husband corrects her when he hears her Firstname me,
but how can you fight a town-wide trend? All the other kids Firstname me, and
to insist otherwise, when people older and wiser are Firstnamed, would seem
pretty snobbish.)
Anyway. Just wondering if this is a small-town
phenomenon or if the whole dang culture of our country has gone this way.
