27 April 2010

She does?

The following post references the CSPP hardline at length. Cheerio.

Hilarious message in the CSPP inbox this week: where do we stand on contraception? I told the emailer that maybe our subtext has gotten a little too subtle. The contraception thing is what landed the three of us where we are, so I'm sorry if that's been unclear to the curious. Wait, that's still pretty unclear, so let me try again: at CSPP, contraception is out, what a girl [thinks she] wants or is good at is irrelevant, and casuistry is for Winkels (which is to say, none of us have time for lengthy comment wars).

Back at the original conversion point, it was the pain in the pride and the pain in the neck that made me not like the looks of CSPP. Well, the pride is still there, but it has reshaped itself to destroy things other than my vocational impulse. The pain in the neck is also reshaped. Having older kids has cheered me up, and not just because I'm an aspiring slaver. They're fun. We like them. We'd rather hang out with them than most other people. Bring on the kids.

Alas--that's kids, not babies. Now it is just plain pain that makes me dig in my heels. Cultural inertia still gets most women to at least two babies. But that business about forgetting the pain that we all heard about this past Sunday? That handy little dominical illustration is harder for me to swallow than almost anything else in Scripture. Five kids in, the marks are becoming more noticeable. Fear does not diminish with additional pregnancies, because every single one of them can go bad. Advanced Maternal Age is not getting farther away, and yet there may still be many years before my retirement (and that's if everything goes RIGHT). God help me, I deplore pain. And the pregnancy/delivery/postpartum cycle is nothing if not very, very painful. (You know you're CSPP when months of breastfeeding feel like a tropical vacation.)

But but but but but. A child is born into the world. And since we're on the topic, I might as well mention that he's freakishly cute and baptized for all he's worth. So, self, forget. Forget the pain, because life is pain. Or if you can't forget the pain, forget thinking that deploring it or feeling terribly sorry for yourself or throwing a big fit will get you out of it. Forget that other people don't have to have to spend their whole dang lives getting pregnant and unpregnant. Try not to ruin your marriage and your children and your life by being fleshy and selfish and uselessly afraid. Sorry there's no pep talk for you here, but it turns out you're a big, disobedient, sin-loving crybaby so you don't get one. Buck up, you miserable wimp. Do your job. You're going to hurt more, a lot more. Deal with it. And come back and read this post often since you won't listen to anyone but you, you arrogant B.

21 comments:

Gauntlets said...

WHOOP! CONCORDIAN SISTERS OF PERPETUAL POWER! GO COBRA KAI!

...

rumble

HappyFox said...

Lol, glad I was hilarious (I'm choosing to interpret that as the complimentary kind of hilarious).

Anonymous said...

Not to be a contrarian weasel, but my births were really easy. The first was actually easier than the second. About ten minutes of moderate pain with the first who was born fifteen minutes after we arrived at the hospital. The second was induced and that was about 15 minutes of serious pain and 15 minutes excruciating pain. Both births too fast for any pain drugs. Doc didn't show up for either one. So, you never know what you are going to get. I would never want to go through that pain for more than a few minutes, so I understand when people who had hour upon hour of labor have legitimately something to fear.

Marie said...

I have a dear friend who is 35 weeks pregnant, and just found out that the dear babe will most likely not survive more than a few days after birth (short of a miracle of God... which certainly could happen!). Though I feel overwhelmed by my own three, I can't imagine losing one, and I caressed them all the more sweetly since this heartbreaking news. How could I not want more? How could I ever tell God "NO MORE!" He gives and He takes. Blessed be His name.

Untamed Shrew said...

I'm a wimp too. And I deplore pain. I'm still in the stage where not everyone knows I'm pg, and sometimes when people talk I'm thinking, "Do you realize how sleep-deprived I am? Do you know that my head hurts, my eyes burn, my back and neck aches, and I already have round ligament pain?" I think, in my case, God gives me miserable pregnancies so that I'll be overjoyed when labor comes.

Ah, yes, and this is my last pregnancy before the dreaded Advanced Maternal Age.

I think I need to keep reading the post.

Pam said...

Please, someone define for me the term "Advanced Maternal Age..." is this a reference to some specific number??

HappyFox said...

I've heard advanced maternal age pegged at anywhere between 35-40, depending on who you talk with.

Reb. Mary said...

RE: the last paragraph of this post:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I'm laughing! I'm crying! And more importantly, I'm tatooing it on myself! :D

P.S. Shrew, in case I haven't already said it somewhere, congrats!!

Rebekah said...

Happy Fox, hilarious is always a compliment from me.

Anon, I've heard of people like you. :D I'm still trying to get my mind around that labor story Pam put up a few posts down.

Marie! :'(

Shrew, I've found the strength within myself to be unhappy during all of it.

Pam, the number I have in my head is 35.

RM, I'm GLAD you're laughing! And Gauntlets, you've had that one guy scratching his head all day.

HappyFox said...

Reb. Mary: I'm having Gauntlets post tatooed on me. :)

HappyFox said...

Sorry, forgot the apostrophe - Gauntlets' post.

Jody S. said...

I don't really get scared of labor so much (ok....really, I do, but not until the contractions actually start and I feel like i just got on one of those really big roller coasters on a dare and I'm strapped in and rolling out and there's no going back but I frantically wonder if maybe somebody could just hit the brakes, just for me....please) But what I'm scared of before I get pregnant is the first few months of being worthless and puking. That reminds me, I really need to go clean my toilets, just in case....after all, the baby's almost 1.

Pam, hanging in there still? I keep wondering how you're doing.

MooreMama said...

(sigh)

Someone come read this to me, over and over, on Friday. Please.

Pam said...

Rebekah, so I'm 34 in March, and didn't even realize that I am approaching AMA! Where did the time go? :oP

Jody, I delivered our little girl on Friday afternoon. Went in at 6, had membranes ruptured at 8, epidural administered at 9, and baby born at 1:34... and Marc and I chatted pretty much the whole time in between. I tell ya, what a girl's gotta do to get a date with the hubby. ;o)

She is Adelaide Margaret Joy, our first non-blonde, weighed in at 9 lbs 13 oz, and is tall like her father at 21 in.

I appreciate the whole thing much more for the L/D experiences I had that were much more miserable, but it does help for me to remember that anesthesia is a blessing from God too, and there is no extra prize awarded for feeling the pain. THAT my friends is why I said this was my easiest yet.

And btw Rebekah, that one still HURT!!

Reb. Mary said...

Pam! CONGRATS!!! Sweet name. Hope the postpartum transition is as (relatively! relatively!) "easy" for you as the birth. Date night, LOL.

Pam said...

Oh, no. No, no, NO!

That is not what I meant to say...

In at 6, ruptured at 7, epi at 8,

PITOCIN AT 9!

Sheesh. I couldn't sleep knowing I had forgotten to mention the pit. Not that I can sleep anyway... she's not settling too well tonight. :oP


ps, word veri is "nerse"-- too funny. btw, does anyone know how much it hurts to nurse with BLSTERS!!?

Pam said...

blisters

Jody S. said...

Congratulations, Pam! It is a beautiful name. I hope you can get sleep. If not, I'm there with you, and mine's not newborn--just really, really mixed up.

Rebekah said...

Pam, nice work on your giant baby! And here I've been worrying for four extra days! :D

>>there is no extra prize awarded for feeling the pain

Hear, hear.

>>does anyone know how much it hurts to nurse with BLSTERS!!?

Does anyone not? :P

MooreMama said...

Congrats all around, Pam! LOVE the name, and I hope hope hope that mine goes as well. :)

Anonymous said...

Rebekah,
Yes it hurts to nurse with blisters. Just a reminder ..... this too shall pass.
Debbie S