15 April 2010

That awkward phase

Not adolescence. The-baby-is-three-months-and-nothing-fits. And-maybe-I-won't-lose-it-all-this-time-anyway. That phase.

I'm not the only one who's struggling. Recently my husband and I had to attend an event and I did that thing where I stood in the closet trying on everything and determining that it all looked awful, spiralling into ever-darkening panic and gloom as the time for our departure approached. Dad really hates it when I do this. In what he claims was an attempt to be encouraging, he sized up one ensemble and, clerically clad, asked, "Are we going as a pair of cat burglars?"

Fast forward a week. I come into a dress from a kind soul. I am afraid to try it on, not sure if this kind soul has accounted for the fact that it takes me longer than three months to return to my standard dimensions. But she has and it fits. I present myself to Dad. Quoth he, "You look like a vampire."

Friends, what am I to make of this? I try to look decent though the cards are stacked against me. My husband, the only person whose judgment of my appearance matters to me for reasons beyond vanity, the person whose words have the power either to pulverize or illuminate my heart, and I may also add a perceptive and gifted communicator with the ability to choose apt words, when in my hour of deepish need is looked to for aid, characterizes me twice as a criminal.

Distinctive and interesting criminals, yes.


NOW how do I look?


Gauntlets said...




lisa said...

Oh no! I feel horrible, but I still haven't stopped laughing :)


I think the problem here is the color black. You're rather beautiful and "Twilight" is just not you :P

I always thought dresses were forgiving, but now with the mini-bump going, I see that unless they are totally formless their shape-shifting abilities are rather limited.

Ewe said...

Not to depress you, but it doesn't get better. I'm having a terrible time now that everyone is currently weaned. I had built up a wardrobe with things that fit and worked for nursing. Now nothing fits and I don't want to wear nursing clothes now that I don't have to. I have no idea how long this phase will last for me so I don't want to invest a lot of money (or time at thrift stores) in clothes now until I know if this phase is permanent. I completely lost it about 6 weeks ago, but I bought myself a new dress for Easter and that helped a lot. I'm slowly learning to accept that wardrobe problems are just part of being a CSPP.

Gauntlets said...

Ah! Lisa stated what we've all long been trying to explain to you for years: you're freaking beautiful.

Just keep your dissent to yourself, friend. I get it.

Lisa: I can't wear dresses anymore. It's all skirts for me from here on out. :P

Anonymous said...

My baby is 7 1/2 years and nothing fits...... sorry to say I haven't lost it all anyways (after 13) even though I am trying. One added benefit when you have a baby everyone is so busy admiring the babe in arms I guess they don't really notice mom & her attire or that is what I always told myself.
I think the whole issue boils down to we are so busy being moms and getting everyone else ready we don't have time to worry about us. I just don't think about needing something new to wear until I go through the whole panic time of getting ready to go somewhere and I can't find anything to wear.
I am glad to hear that someone else goes through their closet trying on everything and looking awful...I thought that was just me. I even do this if I find time to go shopping for something new, so I guess there might not be an answer?? Debbie S.

Rebekah said...

The vampire dress wasn't even black (it was something that I think is called champagne, maybe?). I don't know how to describe it, but maybe there was kind of an old timey goth vibe.

Ewe, I shudder to think what complications neither-pregnant-nor-nursing will introduce, should that day come.

Debbie, I also hold on to some hope that everyone understands that my priority is getting the kids ready and looking semi-decent!

Jody S. said...

I've lost the baby weight from the last one (though I'm still working on the weight from the time before). . . and even though I could buy something that was flattering....it's so hard to justify spending money on something that you may not wear more than a few times before you get all big again...and maybe never fit into it again....but then you look at what's there....I'm feeling the panic now, and I'm not even in my closet, nor do I have anything to go to. And I'm so tired of skirts and tops and hair that has to be pulled back in a braid so the baby can't pull it as easily (but the boys still will attempt to swing in a Tarzan-esque way).......

I feel your pain.

Gauntlets said...

THAT dress?!? Interesting. No ... I'm not really getting the "vampire" there.

Though vampires are pretty bad A. I mean, if I were going to be some sort of make-believe, supercharged character, I'd be ... Polaris. But vampires are totally tough, too.

Untamed Shrew said...

Just put on red lipstick and dangley earrings. If your clothes don't have a W behind the size, I can't offer much sympathy.

Right now I'm real proud that I'm not yet in maternity clothes at 8 weeks gestation.

ekg said...

Augh! The pain of the in-between! Not only the shuffling of clothes with seasons, but with blasted mishapen upper and lower torso, swollen ankles and feet (shoes!!)... Those Mid-Eastern women are not repressed but smart, I think.

Ewe said...

Jody's comment reminded me of what happened a little while ago when my sister visited. She said plain clothes were better and then just dress it up with accessories. She asked to see my jewelry box. I had one necklace out and everything else was still packed from when we moved here 7 years ago-no point in getting out jewelry to tempt the babies to pull! My single sister just couldn't imagine how hopeless my entire wardrobe was-especially without jewelry. When dh and I went on a date, he suggested that I wear some jewelry-I still only had one necklace out to wear. I think I need to unpack my jewelry for the rare times I go out without my babies!

Marie said...

You all get it. Whatever is happening in my life...you're writing about it.

I spent two hours "shopping" (that word connotates fun... and shopping is not "fun" for me) last night because of the seasonal change. Haven't lost the 5 1/2 month old baby weight yet...so none of my summery skinny clothes fit. And all of my maternal (I just deleted the word "fat") clothes are wintry.

I talked myself out of buying a dress for all of the aforementioned reasons, and the practical part of me bought pants that had elastic waists. Store up those treasures in Heaven, right?=)

Monique said...


You are much too hard on yourself. A friend of mine who is a nutritionist and about the healthiest/fit person I know, always tells me it takes you 9 months to gain the baby weight, give yourself at least 9 months to get it off. I'm impressed that you are already wearing regular clothes. And besides, as the above comments have stated, you ARE truly beautiful.

Joy, congratulations on your pregnancy. I will add you to my list tonight of pregnant mama's to pray for.

Anyone heard if Pam had her baby yet?

Anonymous said...

My doctor who delivered #4 at home said the same thing. Rome wasn't built in a day.... it takes 9 months to put it on at least 9 to get it off. I always thought that helped. Good reminder! Debbie S.

Untamed Shrew said...

Thanks, Monique! No such thing as too many people praying for me. :-)

Pam was on FB this morning, sounding refreshingly positive that today will be the day! She's officially due tomorrow (Sat). Wishin and hopin and prayin....

Rebekah said...

Aw, go on with ya, girls. I know it takes time. Thanks for the Pam update, Shrew!

Pam said...

hey y'all, felt my ears itching.

But, sorry to say, this may be a false start... or maybe it's just more progression that I won't have to go through when it gets going "for real." Whatever you call it, it's disappointing!

I'm holding out a wee bit of hope, however, since with my easiest labor and delivery, I thought I was in labor, maybe, for a whole day... and then that evening, exhausted and discouraged, dh and I shared some peanut buster parfaits... you know, hard to know what to eat when it could come back up in a few hours (and btw dairy queen anything is pretty easy coming back up)... anyway, I collapsed into bed about 9:30, and as I was just falling asleep at 10 pm, I felt a well placed baby kick that ruptured my membranes. Five hours and a wonderfully long hot shower in the hospital later, I got reluctantly back into the bed to find I was 9cm. Not ten minutes later, the child slipped out effortlessly, almost under the sheet. This was #5, my smallest yet at 7 12, and I've been praying for another experience like that this time.

SO, I shall not be discouraged, especially since I was 2-3 cm at yesterday's dr appt, which as far as I can recall has NEVER happened before my due date, if at all prior to starting labor.

Here's to gradual labor and not precipitous... sorry, Rebekah, there is nothing about it I can envy, specially not in the car. :oP

Oh, and btw, I'm feeling pretty special today just because you were wondering about me!