Look in the mirror before you go to church. This will not be an exercise in vanity, because you know very well you are minimally groomed and dressed solely on the basis of what is both clean and fits. But still, look. See whether there is so much glurk or oatmeal on your top as to require a change. Make sure you have your skirt on. Make sure your pajama pants aren't still on under it. Check for squash seeds in your hair.
Do this with the light on, so that you will be able to tell if something that shouldn't be showing through is. See to it that snaps and hooks are snapped and hooked. If you have chosen to accessorize with a zipper, remember that they are most flattering when zipped.
I'm sorry to insult your intelligence, self, but we both know you've earned it.
7 comments:
Once I went to the bathroom and, upon pulling up my nylons, tucked my backside dress hem into them. God and everyone could see my lard arse.
anyone top that? hmmm??? feel better, Rebekah?
US- There's no topping that story. Just one more reason to give up nylons permanently.
Indeed. Nylons are wicked.
A few weeks ago, while sitting in church, another (female) member walked out during the offering, presumably to the use the restroom. When she returned, she had her dress tucked up in her undies/pantyhose. Walked halfway down the aisle like that. The ushers in back all noticed but were too embarrassed to say anything to her. So I walked up to her and told her. She was clearly embarrassed, but communion was yet to come and that would have been even worse, walking all the way to the altar rail. A good reason not to wear a dress, I think!
One Sunday I was running very LATE after getting everyone else ready. After putting on my pantyhose I realized I had forgot to put on my panties and NO time to remedy the situation as I put on my dress I muttered "Oh shoot I forgot my undies" My three year old had come into the room and overheard my comment. Off we went to church and when we stopped to get the bulletin my three year old announced "Mom forgot to put on her underwear!"
Note to self - if you look in the mirror don't make comments in front of children! - out of the mouths of babes - who needs glass houses.
The Sunday after my second was born I headed to church for his baptism. I was really in quite awful shape still, but of course, I wasn't going to miss it. My husband was a vicar at the time. I walked to the front and sat down with my baby and toddler. A few min into the service it was time for the baptism...I stood up to carry my son to the font and felt a horrible warm rush. I sucked in a breath and kept going. After the baptism I was in too much pain to make my way to the back and across the fellowship hall, through a long hallway to the bathroom so I just prayed and stayed seated (no communion that day). After the service I stayed seated until nearly everyone was cleared out, we took a few pictures and I rushed home....it was a good thing. :-O (no, not enough to worry about the pew)
:P all around.
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