Kindred spirit

Ok, I'm out of the loop like none other so probably the whole world has already seen this, but this performance is such a perfect metaphor for my life. I'm utterly incompetent, but totally into it.



HT: the guy who was going to name his kid the same thing we named our kid (they got a girl).

Wanted to trade

I am interested in obtaining a copy of Cheryl Naumann's book on deaconesses. I do not wish to pay for it. If anyone has a copy, I would be willing to trade one of the following items for it:

--small flat rate postage box full of clean wheat (not organic that I know of)

--several bars of homemade lye soap (plain old lard and lye, and no picture of a pretty goat)

--Motherhood nursing top someone picked up for me at a garage sale (good shape, cute, size M; I just don't like sleeveless)

--other new in package nursing accoutrement (email for details)

--bag of gummy bears (not organic even if the package said they were)

--some leggy tomato starts (local pickup only)

--one beginning euphonium lesson in my living room (may throw in more lessons free if you catch me especially lonely)

--box of 2008-2010 New Yorkers, Atlantics, and First Thingses

--Copy of Matt Harrison's joy book autographed by LCMS celebrity (celebrity TBD, but it won't be Matt Harrison. This trade will not be available until after Memorial Day)

--Bag of potholder loom loopies

You know you want it.

Guest Post: NFP: Why we don't bother

CSPP recently received a request for a post on the topic of Natural Family Planning. We are pleased to offer a guest post from Pastor H.R. Curtis of Gottesdienst Online, Four and Twenty Blackbirds, and the International Defensive Pistol Association.

First, a little disclaimer. The world is a very sadly broken place.

Any discussion of God's gift of children and our receiving of it inevitably introduces several elephants into the room. What about the hard cases? What about when disease and hardship disrupt God's world?

As some famous writer once said: people who are happy are pretty much happy in the same way, but people who are unhappy each have a unique story. It is very difficult to speak about the hard cases in a general way. So I'm not going to try. If you are suffering under such a hard case - a life threatening disease (including diseases of the brain), crippling hardship, etc - and wonder how God's gift of children applies to you and your spouse, then stop reading this and find a faithful pastor to talk it over with. If you have a flippant pastor who likes to talk about his elective vasectomy after three kids at age 37, then send me an email and I'll try to point you to a faithful pastor in your area.

But for the rest of us who do not fall into the hard case category - if you are interested in hearing how and why somebody went from being a normal follower of American culture to a reactionary, traditional Lutheran who frowns on all forms of birth control, well, this is just what you've been waiting for.

I grew up in a normal blue & white collar family in middle America: birth control is good, you should wait to be ready to have kids, three or so is a good number. Never heard anything elsewise from my normal LCMS church. She grew up in a Boomer pastor's family: birth control is within your Christian freedom.

Got married with a standard American plan: finish grad school, then have threeish kids. Heard about how the pill could cause her body to expel a newly created baby from Mrs. Gibbs at CSL about a year and a half into marriage. Tossed the pills. Started reading. Ewy-ew: most birth control is, like, totally gross! And now the more we read and think, doesn't sound too godly either. But we still wanted to cling to that plan. Eventually got hold of an NFP book. Bingo: no cross, plan intact, and how can a billion Papists be wrong?

Notice at this point that the plan is still there. But let's be more honest about the "plan." It's not really a plan, it's a metaphysical judgment: a baby right now would not be a blessing. That's what all "family planning" comes down to: in my judgment, a baby right now would not be a blessing. Rather, a baby is to be avoided right now.

What you've got to decide is whether or not you think that is a godly judgment.

[And remember that disclaimer, I'm not talking about the hard cases. I'm talking about normal folks: a baby right now would be annoying, difficult, painful, expensive, etc. I'm not talking about: a baby right now would likely kill me, or be permanently crippled, or cause one or the other of us to starve. If that's the spot you are: stop
reading, don't bother typing anything below, and go talk to a godly pastor.]

Through reading the Bible, our Lutheran fathers, the history of the birth control movement and the church's reaction, etc., we came to think that that statement is just not a godly statement. Children are a blessing from the Lord. Married couples are called to be fruitful and multiply. Trust in the Lord and lean not on your understanding.

Further, note how all forms of birth control share that judgment: a baby right now would not be a blessing. As such, they share the same end - though the means are different.

That is significant and I don't want to downplay it. I'm glad NFP was there as a stepping stone for us when we were too fearful to cast our burdens on the Lord. In my pastoral counseling I've held out NFP as an option for others who are likewise fearful. And there are significant differences between all of the following: a baby is not a blessing now, so I'm going to kill it while it's in my womb; a baby is not a blessing now, so I'm going to ask a man to cut me open and take my baby parts out; a baby is not a blessing now, so I'm going to take a hormone pill that will make be infertile; a baby is not a blessing now, so I'm going to slap a water balloon on my wang (I mean, really?); a baby is not a blessing now, so I'm going to tell my wife that no, we will not be making love tonight - or any night until that temperature of hers comes down.

There is a difference between all those - and yet, there is a similarity, isn't there?

A few more NFP thoughts.

* Remember when you were dating? Remember how you wanted to have sex but couldn't? If you liked that, then NFP is for you.

* I was speaking with a fellow pastor about this just today. He and his wife were also on the NFP wagon for a while. He said, "We determined that you don't really need charts or thermometers. If you wife is really in the mood and wants to have sex: that's the day you can't." Another pastor at the table said, "Hmmm. Almost like God created it to work a certain way..."

* What do you call NFP practitioners? Mom and Dad.

* Why do the Papists allow NFP? It's the only birth control method that doesn't work.

OK, the last two are stale jokes. But there is a truth to them. NFP is frustrating and stupid and so many people give up and many others "fail" at it - that is, they have babies (what a failure!). It's frustrating because marriage and sex go together. It's stupid because because sex and babies go together too, and trying to have the one without the other is just silly.

When NFP was being debated in the early-mid 20th century the Lutherans laughed at it as pharisaical, Papist nonsense. That's kind of where I have come down as well. If you are saying "a baby would not be a blessing right now because _____ (I'm 40 or I'm tired or the youngest is only 9 months old or the car payment is due or....)" then I would encourage you to read the Bible again and lean not on your own understanding, to not be afraid for the Lord will provide. Really, He will. Honest. He keeps his promises. Children are a blessing, the fruit of the womb a reward. It really says that in the Bible. You can trust it.

And one more time: if you are saying "a baby would not be a blessing right now because the doctor says I'll probably die or the baby will have CF or I honestly think I might kill myself or the child will starve" - then please don't comment here. You need more than internet kibitzing, you need to go talk to a godly pastor face to face.

+HRC

Evangelicals get all the press

But we don’t begrudge those with a large pulpit the limelight, particularly when they employ it to address a topic that’s near and dear to the CSPP heart—a topic that’s most often ignored by those near the mike in more Concordian circles.

Albert Mohler has regrettably not followed completely through on marriage and procreation, as evinced by his quote in the TIME article his post references: he toes the annoying party line that so long as a couple is "not seeking to alienate their sexual relationship from the gift of children, they can seek to space or limit the total number of children they have." Perhaps he nuances that more helpfully elsewhere; I haven’t looked to see if that’s the case.

While CSPP cannot therefore offer a wholehearted endorsement, we may yet be grateful that there’s someone who’s willing to stand up and say:

“I do indeed believe that the development of the Pill ‘has done more to reorder human life than any event since Adam and Eve ate the apple.’ Why? Because sex, sexuality, and reproduction are so central to human life, to marriage, and to the future of humanity.

"The Pill turned pregnancy — and thus children — into elective choices, rather than natural gifts of the marital union. But then again, the marital union was itself weakened by the Pill, because the avoidance of pregnancy facilitated adultery and other forms of non-marital sex. In some hands, the Pill became a human pesticide.

"Christians must not join the contraceptive revolution as mere consumers of the Pill or other birth control methodologies…

"Even now, we are unable to take into account the full significance of the Pill and its use. But nothing of this significance should escape the thoughtful concern of faithful Christians. TIME magazine’s current cover story puts the issue of the Pill and birth control front and center in our cultural conversation. It should be an important part of our Christian conversation as well.”

Human pesticide. Not bad.

P.S. I’m particularly amused/consternated by the dude in the TIME piece who thought he’d found in the Pill “an exquisite chemical escape hatch” to the church’s objection to artificial birth control: “With the Pill, there was no barrier preventing the union of sperm and egg; all the Pill did, Rock argued, was mimic naturally occurring hormones to extend the safe period, so that sex was safe all month long. The church wouldn't need to change its historic teaching, he suggested; the Pill just fell outside its definition of contraception.”

Ah, how limitless is the human potential to justify our selfish indulgences! How gladly, how glibly, how gracefully, we dance semantically around our sins!

Bored blogging: Call service

--Aren't all these different routes starting to sound a little silly when you have to say them in one sentence?

--Would you want to go to a church that had a formal Assimilation process? Have I just watched too much Star Trek?

--Hey, we can have priests now?! I guess if they're Worker Priests.

--Here we are all the way into the Ps, and no dumb jokes or ski hats or sunglasses yet? What is going on?

--Seems like a lot of dudes are "unable to be present." Could it be that at last, the Call day service is no longer the highest holy day in the church year?

--I think I just missed a dumb joke about Idaho. That's more like it.

--Whoa, Fairbanks Alaska! So crazy!!! Santa's first stop!

--And now Juneau!!!!!!!!!!!

Dad's home. So long.

FOR THE LOVE!!!

I am listening to the CSL Call Day service right now while I wait for Dad to get home because some people we like are going some place. And if I were those people, I would be so ticked right now. Oh my goodness. Could everyone please fall out of love with his own dumb jokes and not particularly sonorous tones and just tell us where these poor shmucks are going.

OH MY GOODNESS! SOMEONE IS STILL BLATHERING ABOUT SOMETHING! EVERY TIME A NEW GUY STEPS UP HE HAS TO GIVE HIS OWN RIDORKULOUS SPEECH ABOUT NOTHING! STOP! STOP!

She does?

The following post references the CSPP hardline at length. Cheerio.

Hilarious message in the CSPP inbox this week: where do we stand on contraception? I told the emailer that maybe our subtext has gotten a little too subtle. The contraception thing is what landed the three of us where we are, so I'm sorry if that's been unclear to the curious. Wait, that's still pretty unclear, so let me try again: at CSPP, contraception is out, what a girl [thinks she] wants or is good at is irrelevant, and casuistry is for Winkels (which is to say, none of us have time for lengthy comment wars).

Back at the original conversion point, it was the pain in the pride and the pain in the neck that made me not like the looks of CSPP. Well, the pride is still there, but it has reshaped itself to destroy things other than my vocational impulse. The pain in the neck is also reshaped. Having older kids has cheered me up, and not just because I'm an aspiring slaver. They're fun. We like them. We'd rather hang out with them than most other people. Bring on the kids.

Alas--that's kids, not babies. Now it is just plain pain that makes me dig in my heels. Cultural inertia still gets most women to at least two babies. But that business about forgetting the pain that we all heard about this past Sunday? That handy little dominical illustration is harder for me to swallow than almost anything else in Scripture. Five kids in, the marks are becoming more noticeable. Fear does not diminish with additional pregnancies, because every single one of them can go bad. Advanced Maternal Age is not getting farther away, and yet there may still be many years before my retirement (and that's if everything goes RIGHT). God help me, I deplore pain. And the pregnancy/delivery/postpartum cycle is nothing if not very, very painful. (You know you're CSPP when months of breastfeeding feel like a tropical vacation.)

But but but but but. A child is born into the world. And since we're on the topic, I might as well mention that he's freakishly cute and baptized for all he's worth. So, self, forget. Forget the pain, because life is pain. Or if you can't forget the pain, forget thinking that deploring it or feeling terribly sorry for yourself or throwing a big fit will get you out of it. Forget that other people don't have to have to spend their whole dang lives getting pregnant and unpregnant. Try not to ruin your marriage and your children and your life by being fleshy and selfish and uselessly afraid. Sorry there's no pep talk for you here, but it turns out you're a big, disobedient, sin-loving crybaby so you don't get one. Buck up, you miserable wimp. Do your job. You're going to hurt more, a lot more. Deal with it. And come back and read this post often since you won't listen to anyone but you, you arrogant B.

Be still, thou unregenerate part

I am often at my craziest when the baby is fixin' to wean. Why? I can't really say, because I'm Crazy.

Sister we are, yea twins we be,

Yet deadly feud 'twixt thee and me,

For from one father we are not.

Thou by old Adam wast begot ...

Girl, you're already a picture of my will

Do you ever find yourself suddenly awake and wondering how on earth this life happened to you? Good Old War knows your husband. He helped them write this song. And now you know.

Record of my people

My five-year-old asks, "Are poodles even real?"