Babygirl recently passed the year mark and is toddling about, helping herself to all kinds of trouble. Having successfully gotten her thus far in life, I’m ready to move on to the next logical stage of girl-mothering: panic. How on earth will I find the girl any decent clothes to wear when she’s ten? (Or five, for that matter?!) And will we be able to amass enough camels for a proper dowry when the time for her arranged marriage rolls around? (Heads up, Gauntlets and Rebekah—speak up now about your preferred form of livestock, otherwise you know it’s gonna be goats ;) ) And in the meantime, there’s the problem expressed in this aphorism, which I shall phrase a bit more politely than the original: “If you’ve got a boy, you only have to worry about one boy. But if you’ve got a girl, you’ve got to worry about all the boys.”
It’s not that I take the matter of my daughter’s heart-soul-body purity more seriously than that of my sons…it’s just that the girl side of it somehow seems more fraught with complicating factors (body image, modesty, emotional drama, etc.). Besides, I know that Dad will be on call to handle many of her brothers’ questions as time goes on, whereas some of “the talks” with her will more naturally fall to me.
I’ve already been a bit taken aback by the good-natured joking—at church, no less—about how Babygirl’s purported future dating life will be foiled by her three older brothers. The first time this happened, I managed something like a weak “Hahaha…just fine with me if they scare off all the boys.” When it’s come up subsequently, though, I’ve done better, with a cheery, “Oh, we won’t have to worry about that, because our kids aren’t going to date. And when the time comes, we’re going to arrange their marriages.” The greatest part is, I’m just crazy enough that they can’t quite figure out how serious I am, even as they laugh along with me. So I’ve managed, for the moment at least, to good-humoredly put much of that silly “boyfriend” talk to rest.
Back to the subject at hand: I know I’m going to need some resources to help me through all this. You, dear readers and bloggers with older girls, will of course comprise part of my arsenal ;). Yesterday, I heard about a picture book and discussion guide that might be handy. We don’t buy into all the princess paraphernalia, but I don’t find this fairy-tale premise objectionable. So, I can’t formally recommend this resource because 1)I haven’t actually gotten my hands on it yet and 2)I’m still quite new at being a girl’s mom, but maybe one of y’all with more than a year’s worth of girl-momming will take a look and come back to let me know if it’s a thumbs-up.
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My girls are 8, 5, and 2. I find Lands End to be a good resource one you get past 5T...they have the same styles from toddler to 16-18, so there is appropriate stuff out there. If you hit a 30% off plus free shipping code and shop the sales for next season then you can get things pretty comparable to Wal-mart/Target prices ($5 tee shirts, etc.) With three to wear things I am also happy to pay for quality! At this point my oldest is starting to voice an opinion, but I'm the one with the money! She is all about comfort, but my second is all frilly dresses all the time. Thankfully grandma sews and is great at cute plus modest. The third girl? She is still overjoyed to be wearing things that belonged to her idolized big sisters.
*please forgive typos...I haven't figured out if I can scroll up to proofread on this tiny phone screen!
Our girls are three and 18mo. We use Land's End A LOT. We also like the clothes this lady makes - http://www.ringgerclothing.com/ - though they're a little more expensive than Land's End. But I think Land's End stuff rocks, even in the toddler stages.
Bonnie
I had a copy of The Princess and the Kiss in my classroom last year. It was maybe a bit cheesy, but fun and definitely got the point across. We are coming up on ten years old in September, and I'm not embarrassed to admit that I am totally terrified by what is in store with the teenage years. Seriously considering actually locking her in her room until she's 30. She has had two different boys try to call her and I've managed to discourage them - pretty much... Not liking where this is heading...
Oh, and Steve says they're not getting married til they're 50. :)
girls....(shiver)...I'll stick with my boys thank you very much. You girl mamas have my respect and admiration.
My princes are 7, 5, 3. No dowry expected or needed. They expect their princesses to dress modestly. The king and I expect the princesses to have their catechism memorized. Knowing a few hymns and long hair would gain bonus points with the princes.
As a current mother to two teenage girls and one almost ten-ager, I know what you mean. I never had a problem till they outgrew Lands' End clothes. You maybe have read my posts on how I hate shopping and luckily found someone in our congregation who sews beautifully.
But, I also have one daughter who needs to "push the limits." Even though she bows to "Dad gets the final say," I know that many of my friends and fellow moms just might cringe at what we allow her to wear. So I have found that this is one more area where our dear Lord and Savior has shown me that prayer without ceasing continues and He forgives me all my sins - even the poor parenting decisions I make.
Prayer for guidance through the "I hate you's, you never let me wear what I think looks good, but I always have to wear what YOU think looks good," and through the friends/acquaintances who stare with the look of, "I can't believe you let your daughter wear that!"
So, all this to say, just breathe, let you and your hubby set the rules, and continue praying. It won't be easy, but you've gotten a taste of that already as they've gone through the toddling stage.
Oooooo....you're all supposed to be making me feel BETTER about all of this ;)
I am definitely filing the Land's End recs...I believe Rebekah and Gauntlets have previously blogged their praises as well.
Wing It Mom, your NINE-YEAR-OLD has BOYS CALLING? Sheesh, this is going to be worse than I thought.... :P
HF and Ewe, ;D
And Melrose: That's what I used to say too...
Glenda, yes, I've silently commiserated with your feelings about clothes shopping :).
Totally appreciate your focus on prayer, forgiveness...and breathing. I think remembering to breathe is going to be very important in this process...
Your comment also made me think (relevant to another, totally different situation in our family right now) of how easy it is to judge someone else's situation from the outside. We mothers know the daily, ongoing tears and struggles (and prayers!) behind a particular child's appearance or behavior, as those who see that child only briefly in public cannot possibly. We need grace, grace, grace--from our Heavenly Father, and from each other as well.
Reb Mary: :D well we'll be finding out this week hopefully. All hands on deck are voting for another boy. Mama has no vote as usual :) But if a girl decides to show her face around these parts, I'll be thankful to have blogs like this to frequent with mamas of girls ahead of mine! :D
I've always been one of those girls for whom "mommy wear" is perfect, because I was never that into fashion (T-shirts and jeans until college) or make-up or stuff like that. So I'm in trouble if my 18 month old girl (or if this "surprize gender" baby ends up being a girl) shows any interest, because I'm all for comfort and Lands End and things like that. My husband has threatened to wear his clerical collar with overalls and clean his gun any time she decides to talk about or think about boys. Maybe that will do the trick.... :)
It's many years off for you, but this is a Christian book for girls about puberty and body care. http://www.amazon.com/Body-Book-Its-Thing-Lily/dp/0310700159
Also- my little girls are 7 and 4. We are big Land's End fans here!
My daughter is very young, but I've found that when shopping for her at the thrift store I am often impressed with the Bonnie Jean brand of dresswear (toddler through youth sizes). Some dept stores carry it, but they're also online here:http://girlsdressshop.com/
The Seasonal Sale section offers more reasonably priced dresses. They also carry slips, petticoats and white church dresses.
Sorry - no books to recommend. No great daughter-raising tips to recommend either...
All I can say at this point in my daughter-raising career :) , particularly regarding my oldest, is that there is much more peace (for me) in relying on the grace of God and His doing of His work in both mother and daughter, than there is in relying only on my constant efforts and striving to raise her up "right"... and virtuous... and diligent... and Godly, which I am trying to do.
I'm thankful for forgiveness, and I'm glad we still like each other. :)
Also, I am SO GLAD you mentioned the "dating" thing, or rather, the "non-dating" thing. People wonder (and even get quite angry, all for the sake of the poor deprived youth, of course) how in the world anyone could end up with a happy and fruitful marriage without "dating".
Well, if you look at our local congregation, you can see at least thirty such happily married couples within the last twenty years that NEVER DATED!! Oh my!
And as to arranging marriages, my husband and I believe in it. Well, perhaps not necessarily arranging "who" our kids will marry exactly (although that's not out of the question), but "what family, what story, what faith, what truth" they shall marry into. And believe me we will have A LOT TO SAY about WHO when the time comes, and I believe our children will have their ears open to us (and their eyes in their ears, if you know what I mean).
Sorry to go on so long, but you "sparked me". :P
You might find some helpful resources here: www.matthew18.org under the Resources tab. Take a look at the "Resources for Parents" and the "Purity Instruction" sections.
Reb Mary- We'll talk soon=) --Marie
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