19 May 2008

Nomenclature in the meantime

(and it surely can be a mean time)

The wise and wonderful man I'm pleased to call my husband has anathematized household use of the "f" word. While I understand and appreciate the sentiment behind this decree, I'm left with a sizable gap in my vocabulary. I mean, now I have to find some way to fill the blank in my ritual Wardrobe Lament: "I'm still too f[at] for my clothes!"

So help me out here: how do we tactfully describe the postpartum manifestation of the CSPP shape-shifting cycle?

I can't seem to come up with anything quite right.

"Baby f[at]" contains the forbidden word, and sounds like something I should've gotten over by second grade.

"Post-parturiently plump" is rather awkward, and I've never liked "plump" anyway. Makes me think of Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle for some reason--an interesting woman, to be sure, but not one I'd like to resemble in shape.

"Full-bodied" is not too bad, as it connotes something that it takes a connoisseur to appreciate :)

"Crazily curvaceous" accounts for the mental state as well.

I don't know. I'm just not inspired. Must be too much of the f-- settled in my brain.


Rebekah said...

The f word is prohibited here as well. (I get a prize six months from yesterday if I can make it from here to then without saying it. "Hi, I'm Rebekah and I'm an f-oholic. I have one day.") I also hate the p word. What about something like, "lactationally enabled"? That's what keeps me from getting too morose about it. I put all this on for a reason.

Gauntlets said...

Ach, pooey. I was once thrown out of the house for using the "F" word. No, really. And it was cold outside. Rebekah, have your beloved spread the word on prizes, would you?

And do you mean "P" as in pneumatic? Or is it phat? I'm confused. ;)

Seriously though, how about this: Classically contoured. Ah! Like Venus rising! *cue ethereal music*

As for f-- in the brain: That's a good thing, right? Glials and all that? I wish it would settle in my brain. *sigh*

Rebekah said...

Ooo, I like that! And let's promote classic complexions too, for us pasty types.

That reminds me, there's always "Rubenesque."

Reb. Mary said...

Classically contoured and Rubenesque--I like 'em both. Why do we have to live when the beauty standard is anorexic rather than prosperously fed?

"Lactationally enabled," for sure. With the last baby I seemed to be stuck with those last few pounds till he was almost done nursing.

And Rebekah, if you slip up, maybe you won't have to forfeit the prize if you can convince him that you actually said "phat" and he just misheard you :P 6 months, wow. It had better be a good prize.

Gauntlets said...

Rubenesque then.

Ha ha! I will never be thrown from the house again!