How to eat a beast

If your husband kills a beast, or someone at your church gives you a part of one, you should eat it. Some beasts are described as tasting "gamey," an Old Icelandic term for "like socks." If you don't like the way socks taste, you can do these things to make your beast taste more "tasty" ("like those slabs of tissue you're used to").

Season it. A good spice attack covers over a multitude of socks. Ground beast responds well to a taco treatment. Ground beast can also be combined with ground pork and then sausaged by way of various ethnicities (Penzey's sausage mixes are a good idea source to get you started).

Soak it. Once I heard that you can soak beasts in milk to take out the gaminess, but I can't see wasting all that milk. I'd rather soak it in something I can turn into a sauce. A beast roast can be converted into a fine sauerbraten. You can also slice it and give it a good ginger, soy sauce, and sherry soak for a stir fry. If you're grilling, cut backstraps into steaks and marinate in lemon juice and worcestershire all day. You make the sauce while he grills (obviously this will be happening after the kids are in bed).

Soak it like crazy. My husband started corning and pastramizing beasts this winter and they are so good. You need some Morton's Tenderquick for a crazy soak.

Smoke it. More tenderquick and a smoker will get you a beast ham. They have shiny spots and everything. Smoke a roast, smoke sausage, smoke a drooled-on pillow. They'll all come out great.

Slow cook it. Italian. Korean. Stew. Time heals all toughness if you're stuck with some stringy old trophy buck somebody shot without thinking about what everything under that rack was going to taste like.

If you got sad about the poor moo-moos and cluck-clucks when you read one of those foodguilt books by a rich jerk who gets to eat and write all day, comfort yourself with some free beast whenever it comes your way.