How best to answer the question, "Are you going to have any more?"? With a pious witness to God's gift of life? With a droll rejoinder pointing out the question's invasiveness? With a note of weariness to head off the theology of glory?
I have run out of energy for such rhetorical finessing when there is an answer which is both simple and accurate (and I must thank My Own Sister for sharing this profound insight with me): "I don't know."
17 comments:
I think Your Own Sister has it right - kudos to her! :) Sometimes the simplest answer is the best. A wise friend of mine once said "No, thank you" is a whole sentence (in response to someone asking you to do yet another something for the church or community for which you don't have time or desire or skill).
On an interesting sidenote, we received one of those TMI Christmas letters in the mail today. The last line, written by the 35ish year old mother of two boys, was in caps and read, "No, we are not trying for a girl. I am old and I am done." I think that probably goes at the top of the list of what NOT to say in response to that question...
I was just pondering this again recently, particularly since the last way I want to sound on the topic is pious, since I feel so not. :P
I have said that.....often. Especially to my relatives.
As they used to say on Family Feud, "Good answer! Good answer!"
Hey, considering the brilliance of your own dear family, maybe you should consider putting together a team . . . .
Actually, I probably should have written, "As they say on Family Feud." I think the show is still on, but I quite watching in the Richard Dawson days.
Not that any of you probably know who Richard Dawson is.
Quit. Sigh.
"How the hell should I know?"
Elizabeth, now that strikes me as a really bizarre way to end a Christmas letter . . . .
RM, big time. I just think I'm done giving people more information than they've actually asked for. If they want more than that, the awkward ball is in their court.
Bikermom, if it's good enough for you it's definitely good enough for me.
Cheryl, I'm afraid we wouldn't do too well on Family Feud given our problem with descending rapidly into byzantine inside jokes. :D
Pr. HR, I believe such forthrightness is a pleasure reserved for the male of the species.
"I don't know." Great answer.
Why didn't I think of that?
(Although I'll probably never be able to hear the question again without Pr. H. R.'s answer running through my mind first :P )
With our record, "probably" works, too.
We were asked 5 days ago by a Catholic daddy of 2, verbatim, "So you got your boy now. Are you done?"
No, we're blessed. But next time I might try HRs answer.
What honks me off most is the first part of that question. It implies that we only had girls 2 and 3 because we wanted something with a penis. give. me. a break.
"such forthrightness is a pleasure reserved for the male of the species"
why just for males?
This answer also works well in the following context:
Them: "So your sister has five kids, huh?"
Me: "Yes."
Them: "Is she gonna have anymore?"
Me: "I don't know."
Given the impertinence of the question, why is "mind your own business" a bad answer?
We have always answered,
"We left that up to God a long time ago."
Who are we to question ... He daily and richly provides me with all that I need to support this body and life.
Debbie S.- mother of 13
Rebekah, you said: "I just think I'm done giving people more information than they've actually asked for."
I'm not sure you're giving them the information they're looking for, because "I don't know" would only be the informative answer if the questioner is simply wondering if more children are a possibility in your future.
When answering questions honestly, one must first understand what the question really is. I think we all realize that the majority who ask if you ARE going to have any more actually mean by this question to find out if you WANT to have any more.
Therefore, answering with a short "I don't know" will only confuse the majority of such questioners, conveying an answer that you did not intend. Your answer will be heard to mean that for some reason you don't know if you are going to want more. They will probably just think you haven't decided yet.
If you want to give them the information they are actually asking for, I believe this question requires an answer that addresses their mistaken belief that you share their concept that children are a choice.
When giving a short answer to this common question that doesn't give too much information, yet answers their actual query, and leaves the awkward ball in their court, I am always of the mind to answer with something like: "I don't know... that's up to God, not us." - or: "We don't consider that our decision to make, but rather God's." - or: "We're trusting God to make that decision."
I believe these answers not only give a more honest answer, but also give a brief testimony of the faith by which we live. If this brief answer does not satisfy their curiosity and the conversation continues, it will hopefully at least have shifted the conversation in a more appropriate direction, and there might then be even more opportunity for sharing the hope that is within us:
"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given..."
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