I hear talk occasionally about matchmaking on behalf of one's children. While it's not a topic that particularly excites me in any direction, it does make me wonder what poor schlump I'd be married to now if my parents had been into it.
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15 comments:
i'd be married to a guy called gordon. according to my mother.
Yeah, it's a good thing for me I had such a humongous dowry.
What?
I married the man my mom selected for me... four years later and it was our idea by then. :) She picked well!
Ironically, my father-in-law picked me out. IT's worked out so far.
I actually once told my father to prearrange my marriage. I didn't feel like playing the dating game. I ended up finding my husband without his help, but I would have trusted my dad to make a good decision.
There is definitely "good fruit" to be shown for parents playing a major role in counseling and advising their children on whom to marry. Parents are not so blinded by the things young people are blinded by.
My father-in-law also had a great deal to do with my husband picking me (yay!). My husband absolutely trusted (and still does) his father on every major decision in his life and our marriage is so much better for it. I know we intend to do the same for our children.
(just kidding on the dowry thing - it was really my great beauty - okay, okay, quit while I'm behind)
I'm not picking my children's brides or husbands, but I am assured because of the church village we have here, the church fathers and mothers, uncles and aunts, that my children have and will pick godly mates. I thank the Lord for the communion of saints(forgiven sinners).
I always say that now I believe in arranged marriages.
That whole having children thing really changes one's perspective. ;-)
I agree that parents need to be involved . . . I just find that in considering my own life, my parents were primarily involved by raising me to know what marriage was and how to identify a marriageable person, so that when I brought home a dude they'd almost certainly never have encountered through their usual circles, we all knew he'd do.
There was one half-jokey foray into a more formal arrangement; I always wondered if the incident made him as nervous as it made me. I realized not all that long ago that the young gentleman involved had the same last name as a female Internet acquaintance. I was mightily relieved when a thorough excavation of my memory banks yielded a different first name than her husband's.
I am merely encouraged that there are several families into which I would be happy to see my children married. I pray that these families are merely the cockroaches on the wall, and that many hundreds more lurk in the depths of our Foundation. :D
Most arranged marriages are more like arranged introductions. There really isn't any pressure to marry any of the individuals that a family selects through friends and connections, rather the son or daughter just has the opportunity to get to know more really nice people from nice families with similar qualities and values than he or she would meet elsewhere.
It's not like Hollywood portrays it. Shocking, I know.
Of course I trust my son's judgement. In fact he has always amazed me with the stellar quality of friends he managed to pick from those folks he met. I honestly could not have done better. However, I do take credit for the environments in which he met them. I carefully selected those.
Carefully selected environments. Yes.
Now, what happens if I never let my kids leave the house? Ever? :)
My dad actually picked my husband for me- we clicked and it makes a funny story, now.
There's a prof at the sem whose marriage was arranged. He's Indian, and almsot everyone in India is Hindu. His parents wanted him to marry a Christian, so they set him up with a distant cousin. He says it was hard at first, but they learned a valuable lesson: love isn't a feeling; it's doing loving things. The emotional attachment WILL come eventually, if you are mutually faithful in loving actions.
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