27 January 2012

How to eat a beast


If your husband kills a beast, or someone at your church gives you a part of one, you should eat it. Some beasts are described as tasting "gamey," an Old Icelandic term for "like socks." If you don't like the way socks taste, you can do these things to make your beast taste more "tasty" ("like those slabs of tissue you're used to").

Season it. A good spice attack covers over a multitude of socks. Ground beast responds well to a taco treatment. Ground beast can also be combined with ground pork and then sausaged by way of various ethnicities (Penzey's sausage mixes are a good idea source to get you started).

Soak it. Once I heard that you can soak beasts in milk to take out the gaminess, but I can't see wasting all that milk. I'd rather soak it in something I can turn into a sauce. A beast roast can be converted into a fine sauerbraten. You can also slice it and give it a good ginger, soy sauce, and sherry soak for a stir fry. If you're grilling, cut backstraps into steaks and marinate in lemon juice and worcestershire all day. You make the sauce while he grills (obviously this will be happening after the kids are in bed).

Soak it like crazy. My husband started corning and pastramizing beasts this winter and they are so good. You need some Morton's Tenderquick for a crazy soak.

Smoke it. More tenderquick and a smoker will get you a beast ham. They have shiny spots and everything. Smoke a roast, smoke sausage, smoke a drooled-on pillow. They'll all come out great.

Slow cook it. Italian. Korean. Stew. Time heals all toughness if you're stuck with some stringy old trophy buck somebody shot without thinking about what everything under that rack was going to taste like.

If you got sad about the poor moo-moos and cluck-clucks when you read one of those foodguilt books by a rich jerk who gets to eat and write all day, comfort yourself with some free beast whenever it comes your way.

12 comments:

Elaine said...

Mmmmm...drooled-on pillow...

Katy said...

Food and clothes associations. I always thought long underwear smelled like broccoli (and vice versa).

We don't know any hunters with surplus meat :(

The Rev. BT Ball said...

Katy-
you must then encourage your husband to consider picking up a new hobby and have him provide some for you!

Our family received venison, pheasant and rabbit, thanks to mom's patience with my absences.

pekoponian said...

There must be something wrong with me. I actually like the "gamey" meat flavor.

Gauntlets said...

I don't mind the gamey taste either. But then, all the beasts 'round here are corn fed.

Elizabeth said...

Last year, we received 30 or more deer rings and several summer sausages/sticks as well. I started to get creative until I couldn't eat them while I was pregnant this last time.
This year, we didn't get much from congregation members, but my dh has shot (and we've eaten) just about everything under the sun this year.
On the upside, beast tends to be leaner and better for you than beef. Though I confess to salivating for a "regular" steak, hamburger, or bacon once in a while. :)

Reb. Mary said...

And here I don't even know what a deer ring is. I'd happily eat one, though, if it appeared in my freezer (or better yet, on my table). We're still working through the Christmas beef that appeared there. Hooray for generous farmers!

Anonymous said...

Elk + burritos = elkerritos

in the freezer for long-long time...but still did the trick, oh yeah...

Sarah Osbun said...

As we know live in the country, my husband has decided to take up hunting. So far all he's shot is a raccoon that threatened our cat. That beast went to the wild animals and not to our table.

Rebekah said...

I don't mind the gamey as much as I used to, but it's taken some time. I think our beasts mostly eat Roundup Ready corn and/or soybeans.

Our church secretary says coons are good eating. Brains, too (I think she means ones that come from pigs, not that she is a zombie).

Elizabeth said...

I guess what I mean by deer ring is what would be considered polish sausage if it were not deer. You know, you put the deer meat and spices into thin casing and wrap it in half and give it to your pastor. :) They so far have tasted pretty great! :)

etem said...

My grandma had a good remedy for gamey moose and bear. She just made another option: fish head stew. Moose never tasted so gameylicious.