18 July 2011

Murthering hordes

I understand that it is currently accepted practice to prohibit children from pointing toy guns at each other. I'm a bad mother so that's not a rule in our house. I generally cite the impossibility of enforcement when other mothers inquire after our deviant practice, but I'm sure there are houses with less lazy mothers wherein the rule is strictly and effectively enforced (including by the prohibition of fake firearms altogether), just as there are houses with five children, a pregnant mother, AND dusted floorboards. Less lazy mothers, I congratulate you. You beat me again.

In keeping with my bad mothering, I was amused rather than horrified to observe that following their initiation to Harry Potter, our children were not content to curse each other with Expelliarmus and Impedimenta and Petrificus Totalis. Our house is unforgivable curse central. Need a door open? Why waste time with Alohomora when you could Avada Kedavra that thing? Cat on the couch, or baby got the Legos you left out? Crucio them both. So I guess all I can say is, if you don't want your kid fake killed by my kid, don't bring him over.

14 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I am still laughing. And I will be that mother too, because I worked in day cares long enough to know that even if you outlaw guns and gun pointing, any normal human boy will come up with a substitute and an excuse. Besides, wands and "curses" are so much cooler, though less realistic (I guess many "anti-gunnists" would see that as a positive). I feel the same way about Star Wars and laser weapons. :)

Untamed Shrew said...

Let the fake killing commence! My 16" unicorn hair wand is in the shop, but a pencil, toothbrush, or wooden spoon is a fine substitute.

--signed, Mother of a 10yo who is currently on book 5.

Glenda said...

:-)

Untamed Shrew said...

Oh, and said 10yo with the timeless French name wishes I'd named her something "better" like Hermione or Bellatrix.

Gauntlets said...

I might wish the Imperius Curse were real. I might imagine how efficiently one might clean her house, given a tiny army of tiny, imperioused slaves.

I mean, if I were, like, into thinking about that sort of thing. Which I'm totally not.

Consecutive Odds said...

My daughter has Night Ops and Desert Ops Troops with serious caliber weaponry and the traditional green army men. But they spend more time in a Dora purse then engaged in warfare. Also, I used to baby-sit for little boys who owned alligators that said, "Bang."

Rebekah said...

I actually think I'm under the Imperius Curse.

Heather Best said...

Hilarious. Loved it. Shared it with my husband. :) Thanks.

Aubrey said...

I rather think I'd be more amused than horrified too if my daughters crucio each other, once they start reading Harry Potter.

Elizabeth said...

U.S. - Why use the Imperious Curse when you can be like Molly Weasley and just do all your housework by spells? Unless of course, your children aren't angels, in which case the Imperious curse seems perfect.

Untamed Shrew said...

I'm assuming you meant to aim that at Gauntlets, Elizabeth. But for the record, if I could have any spell at my fingertips, it'd probably be Accio. Accio phone! Accio remote! Accio BLT sandwich! Accio rootbeer float! I'd be so fat(ter). :D

Emily Cook said...

Our kids would get along very well.

Melissa said...

Too funny. I went to a Babies and Books thingy the other day whereby a 7 month old went up to my 6month old and grabbed his face. The mom was quick to grab her, reprimand and articulate the moral implications of such a thing.

Me? I said nothing. I wanted to see if my kid would grab or fight back.

rbmayes said...

A couple months back I realized just how much the world of Potter had also infiltrated our lives. While teaching the Sunday School lesson on Philip and the Ethiopian eunuch, I was explaining what happened to Philip after he performed the baptism. I kid you not, the word "disapparated" was on the tip of my tough but thankfully did not manage to escape. Whew!