03 June 2011

In which I do not ask but intend to pay fair and square

The space shuttle program is ending, and it would be ridiculous to imagine this will mean a lower Space Tax for all of us who have no interest in shoving our thumbs into space and wiggling them around. How shall the government reallocate our money previously committed to space shuttles? I propose that it procure for us a second moon. Moons are nice. Many other planets have more than one moon. I, even though I have no interest in wiggling my thumb around in space, would like another. I think everyone would. It would be a gesture of goodwill toward all earthlings, way better than the Olympics.

The potential flaw in this plan is its tidal and perhaps orbital implications. I'm confident government astrologers, who will soon be free of responsibilities relating to space shuttles, will be able to figure this out for us. Who's with me?



Gauntlets said...

Actually, I would rather they drain the oceans, so we can go romping on the mountain tops at far better altitudes. The oceans floors aren't space, sure. But they're Space, and we need ever so much more Space.

However, they could put all the water from the drained oceans out to space, which would negate the effects of and additionally justify the need for a second moon. KAZAM! I'm thinking now!

I'd also like to take a moment and point out that "space" is a stupid word.

Katy said...

I'm partial to our moon, and think bringing in a second one would be disloyal to the Old Man (besides, wouldn't we have to rename it? All the planets with multiple moons can't call them Moon, since there are many of them...)

Melrose said...

So help me Gaunlets: if you take my beach away....GRRRRRR. :D As a Florida raised girl, the beach is part of my blood, and while the idea of mountain romping at low altitudes sounds peachy, I simply cannot live without it. Oh the sound of the waves crashing, the smell of that salty air, the feel of the wave hitting your back as you plunge into it's speed. sigh. :-)

No, Rebekah's idea is far better...a second moon...more pull...HEY, MORE PULL, doesn't that mean the waters would go FURTHER in land?! Does that mean...WATERFRONT PROPERTY IN THE PLAINS?! Hmm, it might take 3 moons for that. Yes, I think 3 moons are in order. Beach house, here I come!!!

Marie M said...

Would said extra moon(s) help us those of us who are menstrating get into the groove of ovulating at the full moon(s) and menstrating at the new moon(s). Could we all go to the menstrual huts together for 5 days of female bonding???

Katy said...

Marie for the win!

Anonymous said...

I know- and with bin Laden dead hopefully we can stop pouring $ into the, let's face it, brown people killing fund too.
If we'd kept ourselves from manipulating the middle east nobody would have attacked us to begin with! Now it's just a thinly veiled assault on those with different skin tones/religions.
Wouldn't it be awesome to fund, say, education???