Pain and prejudice

For the first time, on my fourth baby, nursing has gone almost like the books say. A few rough weeks and none of the horrible, nasty things that shouldn't happen. I am so, so thankful.

Also for the first time, I've had virtually no visits to the postpartum dark side. This decreased markedly after Baby 1, who brought with her some bad and scary times. But it was still there to a notable extent with Babies 2 and 3, and there were also notable nursing difficulties with them (although, again, nothing like Baby 1). I was still farther from rational than I am under normal circumstances this time around, but I don't think my husband was as scared to come home as he has been with previous babies.

I can't help wondering if there's a connection here. The nursing probs didn't cause the other probs, but I do think they exacerbated them. Pain is a big deal, and constant pain changes your outlook on life. I don't like not liking nursing, but I have had so much difficulty with it that I struggle to think of it without dread and resentment and wishing the broad and easy road of Enfamil were an option. I'm so glad that I'm finally having a bearable go of it, and so grateful for the peace of mind and spirit that have accompanied it. So put both nursing and neurosis down as something that has improved significantly with more babies for at least for one person.