10 August 2010

Postpartitude

How long after the birth of her baby can one classify herself as postpartum? Possibilities:

1. Medical/societal: 6 weeks. Once the doctor signs off on you, people expect business as usual.

2. Emotional: varies. Probably between 3 months and 2 years.

3. Gravitational: as long as weight is going down. Let's call this 9-12 months like the professionals recommend, although public opinion considers 2-3 weeks more than generous.

4. Pileous: as long as hair is falling out. My shower drain indicates this is still going strong at 7 months, and may be related to the gravitational indicator.

5. Somnial: at whatever point the mother begins having enough sleep regularly to feel regular. Varies widely.

6. Somatic: whenever functions approximate normal/painless. I said approximate.

7. Dermal: when stretch marks fade from shades of Lent.

8. Hygienic: when mother resumes bathing at a typical cultural rate.

9. Cinematic: when mother no longer falls asleep while trying to watch a movie with father.

10. Gestational: when mother becomes pregnant again.

8 comments:

HappyFox said...

So, the weight from baby #1 that was still there when baby #2 was born...can I now attribute that weight to baby #2 and gain some time?

Bonnie

Dakotapam said...

very funny. I'm still trying to classify myslef as postpartum, but the girls will be 7 months soon, and my blad spot is filling in...and I've stopped losing weight...sooooo:)

HappyFox said...

Since I'm 40, I've decided not to care about #3 anymore.

Rebekah, I saw Pr Weedon's post about dinner w/you folks & thought, "Ah, my two favorite people whom I've never met!" :) You help me be a much better mommy - thanks.

Bonnie

e&k said...

typographical: when mother can type, more often than not, with two hands.

lacrimal (specification of #2): when mother can go several days without crying. very much.

Rebekah said...

DP, if you're out I am, so let's not have any more of that talk.

Bonnie, I'm confident you could rummage up some folk who would assure you we're not all that great. ;)

E&K, excellent points.

Reb. Mary said...

I just really really hate that anyone ever said anything about 6 weeks.

Pam said...

My vote is for #10. So there.

AmyBean said...

Ha! So even though my youngest is 2.5 years old, I can still classify as cinematically postpartum? I can barely get through a half-hour sitcom after the kids go to bed at 8:30. :-P