A very, very grumbly post. Please don't let me ruin your day.
Along with its desirable effects, Perpetual Parturition may cause some unwanted effects. Although not all of these side effects may occur, if they do occur, too bad, sucker.
Side effects: Nausea, vomiting, indigestion, irritability, constipation, dizziness, increased appetite, confusion, nervousness, increased salivation, stuffy nose, sleeplessness, abnormal dreams, puffiness, stiffness, swelling, muscle cramps, weakness, decreased coordination, shortness of breath, itching, rash, loosening of skin, lower back pain, excessive gas, belching, shivering, sweating, headache, and pain. More severe side effects include persistent ringing in the ears, feelings of hostility, feelings of anxiety, unusual mood changes, and hallucination.
If Perpetual Parturition were a drug, your doctor might be able to alter your dosages or prescribe a related substance with fewer side effects. As it is, you're going to have to pretend that everything that's happening to you is just wonderful. Don't dare complain. Don't seek help. There's nothing wrong with you. You're glowing, see? You're enjoying this fine experience, get it? You love everything about it. Awesome.
Note to self: Yes it’s hard. Yes it’s sad. Yes, you deserve it. What you don’t deserve is a baby at the end of your dosage schedule, but, by the grace of God, a baby is what you will get. Stop being afraid. Wait and pray. Then, drink a mimosa while you still can and submit to that foot rub your long-suffering husband is inexplicably willing to give you. Everything’s going to be alright.