Dear Worthy Folk of Christendom,
It has come to my attention that some people are worried about me. Apparently I need to get some time away and whatnot, quit throwing away my life by having all these kids and setting all of us up for a life of hating each other.
First, I appreciate these concerns. They are thoughtful and motivated by love.*
Second, I don't expect anyone who does not hold the convictions held by CSPP types to understand us or those convictions. This is a very niche-y blog. While anyone is welcome to read here, we write for ourselves and others who hold the catholic belief that marital chastity calls for non-inhibition of the procreative process, and especially for those who didn't plan for their lives to go that way, and it's all informed by Lutheran theology. That doesn't account for many people. All other readers are likely to misunderstand us to some extent, so let me just say
third, I LOVE MY LIFE. I'll skip the boring stuff about the superlative husband, kids, churches, house, town, and get straight to the point: I derive immense satisfaction--to the point of pride, which is why I keep it on the downlow--from the knowledge that I, at the cost of great personal pain of numerous kinds, have brought four children into the world, and may repeat the trick. Don't even get me started on what an in-freaking-credible accomplishment breastfeeding has been for me. The regular compliments we get on our children's behavior and abilities suggest that we might actually be doing a pretty decent job of being their parents. Generativity vs. stagnation? Integrity vs. despair? Not worried. My work is cut out for me, and it is good and blessed work. I am doing the right thing with my life. I pray that with God's help I will do the right thing rightly. And let me also say something about marital integrity: we didn't know what we were missing.
So why the long face here in blogville sometimes? Because in this world we will have trouble. My particular frustrations and personality are such that it comforts me to write about them and share here some of what I write with the tiny group of people who can relate to them. I'm sorry if this occasionally gives the wrong impression. But, to my great surprise, I absolutely would not give this up for anything. This is real and lasting, unlike any other work I could be doing. Approved workmen are not ashamed (I never knew what that meant until now--sorry, Awana), and golly does that feel good, though the tasks are difficult and I daily prove myself unworthy.
I also don't miss fretting over how my talents are being wasted by a church body that just won't acknowledge how brilliant I am and how much it needs me. Good luck, First Girls Ever To Learn Greek. I hope you all get to be seminary professors and district presidents.
This blog is not the whole story of my life. At all. I don't get into that, because I arrogantly suspect it would just foment envy (a sin).
So rest easy, ye ministry-minded worriers for my various healths. I am the laziest, most selfish piece of worthless schwat there is. I take plenty of time for me. The day will not come that this glob of gluttonous sloth works her delicate fingers to the bone or her frail psyche to madness. I am way too greedy for that. For example, I sent my kids to play outside so I could amuse myself by writing this while the little guy takes a nap. Who could resent such great babies? Hey, quit fighting out there! Or I'll yell at you to quit fighting again!
Loving life like you wouldn't believe, and only regretting the time I wasted in getting here, and feeling genuinely sorry for everybody who doesn't get it, and totally laughing as I reread this,
Rebekah xxoo! :)
*Thoughtful and motivated by love as these concerns are, I'm a bit surprised that they weren't brought to me directly. In the future, the truly concerned should feel free to remember me in prayer in addition to calling me for a friendly chat, or perhaps sending a gift to console me in my distress.