15 November 2008

Just leave me alone!

Let's face it: this never worked, anyway...

I’m going to assume that I’m not the only one who’s ever been tempted to shout this at her children. (Those of you who are more virtuous need not read on.) Why do their particularly needy days inevitably wax with the waning of our personal reserves, and coincide with our painfully intense desire for just five minutes of uninterrupted thought, sleep, quiet, reading, tea, adult conversation…?

One particularly worn-down, mauled-over, chewed-up, drained-dry, tugged-on, storied-out, generally-beleaguered day, as I was in the process of mentally wishing my children far, far away, something from C.S. Lewis echoed dimly in my head. Employing my sophisticated cross-referencing system [emailing my husband: “Cld U send me that Lewis qt about God leaving us alone/Hell”], I tracked it down:

In the long run the answer to all those who object to the doctrine of hell is itself a question: "What are you asking God to do?" To wipe out their past sins and, at all costs, to give them a fresh start, smoothing every difficulty and offering every miraculous help? But He has done so, on Calvary. To forgive them? They will not be forgiven. To leave them alone? Alas, I am afraid that is what He does" (from The Problem of Pain).

To be CSPP is to be oh, so very aware that God does not leave us alone. For our good as well as for His glory, God graciously surrounds us with these immensely needy little creatures. My children are the most brutally effective way yet that He has worked to reveal, chastise and reform my slothful selfishness, which on the best of days lurks barely below the surface.

He won’t leave me alone: He incarnates His exacting, impossible standard to me in these ever-present, ever-demanding sons of mine.

He won’t leave me alone: He incarnates His freeing, irrepressible mercy to me in that ever-present, ever-giving Son of His.

The next time the mad drumbeats in my head build to a fever pitch, I shall endeavor to remember what I know to be true: that to be left alone in the meantime would put me in jeopardy of being left alone for all time.


Rebekah said...

Don't the husbands love it when we add tasks like tracking down quotes for us to their planners?

My children benefit greatly from the proof their charming father gives that anchorite was not my true calling.

Gauntlets said...

Thanks for this, friend. :) We're having one of those afternoons around here today. ;D

Anonymous said...

Always have those moments of I wish my children would leave me alone. But that will not ever happen. In fact, I have a leech, Joshua is my leech, attached to me all day long, 24/7 days a week, never leaves my side. I will never have a moment to myself. David reminded me the other night when I was in tears, wishing I could have some time to myself, he said, just take advantage of them being little, they will grow up too fast and I won't have these cuddle moments with my children no longer. And yes, I too thought the same thing, God never leaves us alone, and He doesn't want us to leave him alone either. He always wants us to come to Him to be wiped away from our sins, to talk to him, no matter if that talk is nonsense or child like talk, He listens, He is patient with us, though we are not always patient with our children. He is a great example of what a parent should be like, but we sin, and fall short of our parenthood but God picks us back up. Well, better go, a tackle is happening here. Talk to you later!