Cool Kids Form Group, Meet In Cool Places To Reach Out To Other Cool Kids
LCMS Youth Ministry Office anthropologists' recent discovery of the new human demographic designated "kidults" has led to the formation of the Kidult Ministry Advisory Committee. This seven member committee seeks to grant credence to the YMO's ongoing existence and use of LCMS mission dollars, in addition to providing aesthetically pleasing LCMS visibility in fashionable centers of commerce.
"Young adults are marrying later and having kids later," said the committee convener, expressing no suspicion that these factors may be intrinsically problematic and indicative of even greater problems. "By this time, their lifestyle is already established and church just isn't a part of it." The committee believes that more ironic personal accessories and increased use of church names incorporating non-representational graphemes will attract loft-dwelling kidults to trendy alternative post-contemporary ecclesiastical cliques.
While many members of LCMS churches are in their 20s and 30s, these faux-kidults actually hinder kidult ministry by showing up for conventional church services at conventional times in inexpensive clothing with inexpensively clothed children (occasionally in gauche quantity). Faux-kidults further damage kidult outreach by their participation in socially suicidal church groups such as Ladies' Aid, and with self-betraying lifestyle choices like the full-time care of their children, and having children to begin with.
Questions regarding tensions arising from the style-conscious values of the Kidult Ministry Advisory Committee vis-á-vis the inherent Boomerish lameness of the Ablaze! program remain unanswered.
Ok, I'm sorry, I'll lay off the partisan rhetoric for a while now--but I just couldn't resist this one. And I know the accent is supposed to be grave, and I'm too lazy to find out how to fix it.