05 March 2012
No you can't have a cookie, MOUSE, it's Lent
If you give a mom a Laura Numeroff book, she'll probably throw up. While she's barking at Kid 1 to get a towel, Kid 5 will pollute his britches. She'll holler at Kids 2 and 3 to bring the wipes, wherever they are, NOT the ones from the diaper bag. When Kid 1 comes back with the towel, she'll yell, "Obviously I can't take that right now! Go find me a diaper!" Kid 4 or 1 will show up with the wipes and a diaper and the mom will clean up the disgusting things that happened. The phone will ring before she's washed her hands. It's the church secretary, who needs the week's services emailed to her again. The mom will sit down at her computer to send the secretary the services and see that she has a message from Grandma asking what shoe size Kid 4 is in right now. She'll get up to look at Kid 4's shoes and realize they must be way too big, or maybe way too small. The mom will go to look for a ruler and a clean piece of paper and then remember she never wiped down the phone and BLAST IT she typed on her computer with poo-hands too. She'll go into the kitchen looking for the Lysol. When Kid 4 hears the kitchen door open he'll start whining about lunchtime. The mom will notice she's hungry. She'll close the kitchen door and eat two bananas and a roll from three nights ago before it gets any worse while Kids 4 and 5 howl from the dining room. The howling will remind the mom that she forgot to turn on the monitor when she put the baby down. She'll go up to check on the baby, who is awake but not howling. She'll bring the baby downstairs and sit down to feed her. Kids 4 and 5 will pile onto the couch and demand that she read them books. When the baby finishes, the mom will stand up and the baby will glurk all over the place. And chances are, if the baby glurks all over the place, the mom will probably wipe it up with whatever this piece of junk under my foot is--oh, a Laura Numeroff book.