e personally recommended to me the book Passionate Housewives Desperate For God, so I picked it up. I'd heard of it before, but to be honest I make every effort to avoid contemporary "Christian Living" books so I hadn't pursued this one either. The genre is nearly always facile, too long on annoying words (such as--sorry--"passionate"), and too Protestant for my hostile tastes (Reb. Mary patiently keeps me from dissipating into the Concordian ether).The whole Christian anti-feminist movement in particular is also something I've generally filed under Um . . . not my style. I am not above rubies. I'm barely above the stuff in the S trap. My personal opinion is that if Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5 were ever tragically lost, Proverbs 31 would make a fine substitute for half of us. Wow, I so cannot remember the last time I delivered a sash to the merchant. This lady is like my mother-in-law (whom I love and admire and whose company I enjoy): so far out of my league that we're not even in competition.
The reason the anti-feminists generally don't resonate with me--besides the weird womb obsession--is that I agree with them too much. There is no chance that I'm going to get a job and sign the kids up for daycare. I don't even want to, secretly or otherwise. I completely agree that feminism is philosophically void (as demonstrated by its numerous contradictory incarnations) and personally and societally toxic. So I don't need someone to convince me of this. And since I agree with the major premise, I get snotty about the minor ones. For example, am I supposed to touch up my lipstick before my husband gets home, or never succumb to such damning vanities? What can I say, I'm a jerk.
But the value of the anti-feminist genre is that a lot of people really have not heard what it has to say. And for people like that, Passionate Housewives is a good book. It is not at all heavy handed on more peripheral and touchy issues like homeschooling or quiverfilling, which to us are a big deal but to those outside the vortex are insane, entry-prohibitive dealbreakers. The authors gracefully demonstrate the practical implications of their theology in their bios and as a result don't need to browbeat about such things to make the urgent, foundational argument: know who you are and the work God has given you to do. It is blessed work. The world's dummy is as vain and deceptive as anything the world has ever had to offer.
So if your personal library is lacking a foundation book for both your own reference and as a loaner for confused members of normal society who show up on your doorstep, this is a good one to have (although I might mention to borrowers that I am of the pious opinion that interior decorating is not central to wifely/maternal vocation). Theologically speaking, this book won't direct your basic street Lutheran to the Blessed Sacrament, but it also doesn't ask her to write in the margin how God is speaking to her personally today. Blech, that felt like a hairball coming out.
The most useful thing to me in PHes was the chapter on personal piety. If you can't find a big chunk in your day for prayer and devotion, take little chunks as you can. The competition between sleep and hygiene is bad enough; throw piety into the mix and you're bound for rage or despair depending on your personality. Don't decide to pray two Psalms in 20 minutes, because too often you will not be able to. Decide to pray two Psalms all day long--which is probably better anyway.
The book I'm still looking for is, I'm here, at home, kids in with and under me, marinating in my convictions: now what? But actually, that Book is already written too, and the more time I spend in it, the better off we all are.
15 comments:
I liked this book a lot, too! I don't think it'd be top notch for bringing people into our "cause", but I've loaned it to some who are pretty much already here, and just need some gentle encouraging. It made me feel like, "Hey, I'm (and the CSPP!) aren't the only ones!"
I’m so glad you read the book. This book indeed is great for those of us who lack a foundation for understanding biblical womanhood.
However, I think this book goes beyond educating Christian women about the snares of whitewashed feminism. It also discusses the dangers of a sort of passivity to motherhood that I find myself and other Christian mothers falling into. The sort of passivity that says, as long as I’m physically home with my children there is nothing more expected of me. The sort of passivity that makes all efforts to ignore the kids, spend an excess of time either watching T.V., reading blogs, talking on the phone or strolling the malls while racking up the credit card bills. That is not what Biblical womanhood is. This book encouraged me to WORK HARD for my family as unto the Lord. This book was a great reminder to me that I need to embrace my calling as mother and to diligently work hard serving my family by changing diapers, doing laundry, preparing nutritious meals, working in the yard, teaching my children, reading the Word to my children, having intellectual and meaningful discussions with my children, etc.
One of my favorite quotes was, “Biblical womanhood is challenging, intelligent, adventurous, kingdom-building, whole-hearted HARD WORK”.
BTW, I also hated the title and I wouldn’t have read it either if it wasn’t given to me as gift along with a pound of really good coffee! Yes, I know… I have really cool friends.
Marie, I agree. This book is for someone who's already begun to think this way, not a comfortable careerist.
Monique, good point. You're right, the book does a good job with the matter of industry (those Protestants! :D). It is a hard topic--on the one hand, so many people seem truly shocked that I manage to make supper without a TV to babysit the kids, and on the other is idea that a house full of kids should look like a primary-colored preschool jammed with artificial activities. I liked PH's affirmation of REAL work: teaching your kids to run the house they live in by your own running of the kind of house someone would want to live in. Thanks again for the recommendation! :)
Thanks for introducing me to yet another word: "careerist" :) On a more serious note: I appreciated the thoughtful review.
I agree Monique - a girlfriend and I were talking about how easy it is to actually get peeved at your kids when they get between you and "what I want to do with my day" in regards to personal time reading. It has gotten better with time and especially since I will now take the time to ask God to have mercy on me during the day when I falter. It also has helped me to remember that I do it with loving thanksgiving for His Son and not just for my misbehaving babies :)
Sigh :)
I've only been married a few years but I'm starting to remember even in the midst of (seeming) chaos in my kitchen that I am blessed.
"It also has helped me to remember that I do it with loving thanksgiving for His Son and not just for my misbehaving babies :)"
haha - Serve my children that is, not hide and read ;)
Hey, I'll have you know that being the resident Protestant-sympathizer is not nearly easy as it looks. :D
This book ended up on my shelf awhile back too, and I appreciated it for all the aforementioned reasons. Monique, I really get what you're saying. I think I wasted (still sometimes do waste) way too much time simply *existing* here at home, instead of actively seeking ways to serve my family better.
Though I left the book with irrationally lingering guilt over not being able to, for instance, knit my sons matching sweaters (or, um, not even owning a sewing machine. Sometimes I think about owning a sewing machine...does that count? And once my mom brought her sewing machine here, and we worked on some stuff together...does that count? Methinks I protest too much...oh no, Protestant again! :) )
it counts. I affirm - it counts :)
RM, I've had some thoughts on the topic of domestic industry in the works for, you know, years now. Maybe someday I'll get that post done.
What I found most encouraging about this book was that it didn’t present biblical womanhood as a list of things we’re supposed to be doing and then say, ok, now let’s see how YOU measure up. Instead, the book really drove home the importance of women in the home.
I don’t think anyone would argue that mothers are not vital or important. I mean, I’ve even heard Oprah say she thinks stay at home moms have one of the toughest jobs ;-) But I’m afraid my generation of women (I’m 33) no longer see the true impact we have on our children and ultimately the church.
I think you could argue that the home is the pulse of the church and God has placed mothers as “guardians” of it. I think if Christian women really truly comprehend this, it will encourage them to WORK HARD at being a homemaker and remember that God clearly tells us to die to ourselves and serve Him by serving our families.
I like the whole "not ranking" our progress as a stay-at-home-mom by our forays into industry. I know moms who barely get the dishes done who regularly impress me by their patient tone with their kids. (Some are also poor vacuumers - go figure). While we should be learning, working, making prudent choices in the area of spending, I find myself seeing these other moms and thinking, "Perhaps she has chosen 'the better part' as did Mary."
I think my biggest struggle as a former-feminist is embracing the joys of motherhood proactively. My grandmother knew what hard work it was to accomplish XY&Z with babies running around, but she turned it all into such an art. I recently found out she hates ironing (!) I was somewhat pleased since I DO TO! :) But, I always saw her ironing the altar linens with such determination and I would say, holy pride. She delighted in a job well done. Now, if I could cultivate some of that I would think this experiment is actually taking :)
Monique, my family reacts the same way when my sewing machine comes out. :D
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