For a while there I thought I had completely lost my sense of humor and my equilibrium (or what usually passes for such), that each of the boys was and always would be simul peccator et peccator, that nothing in the world was or ever would be right again…in short that all joy had been sucked out of every aspect of existence, forever.
Turns out I was just stupid-tired and mean-hungry. Huh.
Rebekah recently noted how “it's so great to be ruled by glands squirting chemicals into the bloodstream at random.” Less random, but also factors that we deny or forget to our peril (and the peril of those around us, as my husband likes to point out): the frustratingly predictable needs for regular and adequate rest and nutrition.
How humiliating, to realize that a too-short night is all it takes to send me down a grouchy warpath, that a too-small breakfast might mean mid-morning despair as my spirits track with the blood sugar crash.
Humiliating…Ah, but isn’t that the point, after all? Cranky, despairing self, you need look no farther today than the very first commandment. What, were you trying to make a go of it alone again? Forgetting that if it were his intention and he withdrew his spirit and breath, all mankind would perish together and man would return to dust? Needed you yet another reminder that God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong, that His power is made perfect in weakness? Well. Consider yourself reminded.
Even more the wonder: One who needed not be bound by such fleshly concerns, chose, for your sake, to know the humiliation of hunger and weariness, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. Is not your Lord able to sympathize with your weakness, having been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin? And is He not mighty to save, able to prove His promises true to you?
Oh foolish little self, cast your burden of weariness upon Him who cares for you, and let your hunger turn your thoughts to the only Bread that satisfies forever, for the life of the world.
There, now. Go have a snack if you need one; remember that you will get some rest (eventually); and surrender your weary vacillation between rage and despair to your tender Shepherd, who carries you close to his heart; who gently leads those that have young.