12 December 2008

Advice to young women

Girls, marry a classicist. You will have a hilarious life.

Any time the news comes on, my husband starts muttering about the Gracchi. He tenderly likens me to cow-eyed Hera, and the bath water is wine-dark after the boys come out of it. You wouldn't believe how much the Iliad comes up in Bible class. He translates all medical terms in normal conversation to demonstrate how uncreative they are ("Her hip shattered when she fell because she's got holeybones.") If you ask him what something means, he says dismissively, "Exactly what it sounds like." He can identify any marble bust you happen upon in a book or movie. If you apologize for holding Gnostic notions, he'll say, "You're actually more of a neo-Platonist." If you tell him you're keeping the name Aurelia in your hopper for if you get to 11 or 12 kids and really go crazy, he'll say, "You can't name someone after her."

Marcus Vipsanius Agrippa. Duh.

This is one advantage of the St Louis seminary. They've got that sweet deal with the Classics department at Wash U, so every year there are a few brainy dudes who dream in Greek riding their bikes back and forth. Pick one up! (Stick with the Lutheran ones, though. Anyone who's read Ovid is dangerous.)

Brek-ke-ke-kek ko-ax ko-ax

10 comments:

MooreMama said...

Nah. I prefer the type that sets my pregnant mind at ease by telling me that if we don't make it to the hospital in time, it's okay. It (I) can't be that much different than a cow.

(and he was so proud of this analogy that he told a friend - who replied that he's got a puller that we can borrow!)

Joy said...

This is priceless! I wanted Juliet's middle name to be Aurelia because it's the name of the tune to "The Church's One Foundation". I walked down the aisle to that on my wedding day, but the historical figure outweighed any sentimental value for my hubby. Nice.

The Rev. BT Ball said...

Young girls-
such men also make these comments to their friends.

Me - "Cut off that pericardial sac so we can eat fry the thing, oh we need onions."

Friend - "Around the heart sac; not a very creative name."

Melanie said...

What type of men are these classicists anyways? Are these usually the "dreamer/visionary" type or more of a rebellious "command man" type? They seem an odd breed to me.

My husband seems to like to live something rather than read about it. He gets a notion in his head and runs. His teacher is the mistakes he makes. (Which I admit can be dangerous-but also fun.) Just this week he bought himself a muzzleloader and taught himself to hunt with it. He took pride in using a real civil war bag (not the proper term for it) to hold his gun powder and such. It always amaazes me how smart he is when I never see his head in a book. Go figure.

The Rev. BT Ball said...

forgive the poor writing above. Should be "fry and eat the thing."

This was done by the way and it was tasty, even w/o onions.

The Rebellious Pastor's Wife said...

When my husband and I were dating we read Ovid's "The Art of Love" together.

Oh my, oh my, oh my....I love my Ovid reader...

Rebekah said...

MM & M--I've got a pretty versatile model. He knows what pericardium means and how to remove it from the heart of an animal he's just killed, as Rev BTB testifies, and keeps a cord clamp in his glove compartment what with my precipitous past.

RPW, risky! :D

Anonymous said...

Good advice. I've already got mine! :-)

The brand of classicist/linguist personified in my husband always seems to be complaining about how we modern folk "can't seem to use the [darn] imperative." (Honey, the trash needs to go out.)

-DH

Rebekah said...

DH, I hear a lot of complaints about subjunctives too.

Pam said...

DH, is that like when someone says "the house needs cleaned;" this is MY pet peeve, not DH's.

Although he is irritated by redundancies of PIN number, ATM machine, and so on.

And if I may be so honest to say so, he would run to the bathroom gagging at the mention of removing that sac, much less eating anything to which it was attached, and as far as impromptu delivery, I think I might be on my own.

All this is to say only that it takes all kinds. ;)