I'm so vain

I probably think this post is about me.

It's easy for me to think that I'm not that vain when I'm at what I consider my "normal" weight. This usually lasts from when whatever baby I'm on is 6 months old until I'm 2ish months pregnant with the next one. My clothes fit and that's as good as I'm ever going to look, so I don't think about it that much. (So I tell myself.)

Being visibly pregnant I just have to roll with--obviously I'm not going to win any beauty contests, but at least I have a legitimate reason for weighing more than my husband.

But the long transitions in between are when it becomes clear to me how vain I am. I'm always too scared to tell people we're pregnant until I'm out of the first tri, but the main thing that makes me want to tell anyway is so people won't think I'm getting fat. I refuse to buy clothes in sizes I deem unacceptable and just rely on loans from other people because I'm too vain to have such high numbers in my closet, even though I spend a lot of time in them. I obsess about what size I'll be for various events over the course of my endless gravitational journey (Huge pregnant for sister's wedding--avoid pictures. Should be skinny for brother's wedding--yay!). Am I vain? Oh yeah.

Just another example of how perpetual parturition is a useful spiritual exercise. Sometimes feeding the flesh is what mortifies it.