26 December 2007

David Attenborough narrates my afternoon

DA: The pregnant female's eating habits are highly unpredictable. This one has just settled down with a bin of celery and a dip which she would normally not give the time of day.

[Cut to me on couch covered with blanket and devouring a good-sized Tupperware's worth of celery with weird and ageless dip. A child approaches and I snarl at it; it retreats. Later, another child approaches. I give this one a celery stick and it too goes away. Footage continues for 90 more seconds, then cuts to me eating last celery stick.]

DA: Bin emptied, we cannot guess whether she will fall asleep or pursue more food.

[I call for child, who takes containers away and returns empty-handed. I shout at child, who disappears again and re-enters with bag of cookies, but I'm already asleep by the time she gets back. Camera follows child into next room where she summons other children, who gather and begin eating cookies as rapidly as possible.]

DA: Her young show signs of neglect, and must forage for food themselves as they have opportunity.


Reb. Mary said...

First I had a much-needed laugh.

Then I wondered why my own offspring, though equally neglected, are not so well trained.

Then I thought...Mmmmm...Dip... headed off to the kitchen to make me some dip, and settled down with the bag of baby carrots.

Rebekah said...

It's really just the oldest one. She's getting downright useful; I'm glad I kept her on. Happy dipping! ;)