05 May 2012
My husband and I are blessed with a pacific relationship except in one regard: the naming of children. This means that we have to have a long and lasting fight about every other year. I know wives who surrender naming rights nearly completely, and couples who divide privileges on the basis of sex, but neither is the case in our house. Both of us have strong feelings about names for boys and girls.
So I share with all like-minded parents a strategy of namemanship executed by my husband, which he claims was not conceived deliberately or in malice. You will see, however, that his claim of innocence is impossible to believe.
Take a name proposed by your spouse which you do not like. Repurpose it as a designation for an imaginary and grotesque monster in your attic, and terrify your children with tales of this monster's appearance and character. Instantly, the name becomes permanently ineligible for any future child of the family.
Things like this don't happen by accident. I salute my infrequent foe for his wiliness.