05 March 2012

No you can't have a cookie, MOUSE, it's Lent

If you give a mom a Laura Numeroff book, she'll probably throw up. While she's barking at Kid 1 to get a towel, Kid 5 will pollute his britches. She'll holler at Kids 2 and 3 to bring the wipes, wherever they are, NOT the ones from the diaper bag. When Kid 1 comes back with the towel, she'll yell, "Obviously I can't take that right now! Go find me a diaper!" Kid 4 or 1 will show up with the wipes and a diaper and the mom will clean up the disgusting things that happened. The phone will ring before she's washed her hands. It's the church secretary, who needs the week's services emailed to her again. The mom will sit down at her computer to send the secretary the services and see that she has a message from Grandma asking what shoe size Kid 4 is in right now. She'll get up to look at Kid 4's shoes and realize they must be way too big, or maybe way too small. The mom will go to look for a ruler and a clean piece of paper and then remember she never wiped down the phone and BLAST IT she typed on her computer with poo-hands too. She'll go into the kitchen looking for the Lysol. When Kid 4 hears the kitchen door open he'll start whining about lunchtime. The mom will notice she's hungry. She'll close the kitchen door and eat two bananas and a roll from three nights ago before it gets any worse while Kids 4 and 5 howl from the dining room. The howling will remind the mom that she forgot to turn on the monitor when she put the baby down. She'll go up to check on the baby, who is awake but not howling. She'll bring the baby downstairs and sit down to feed her. Kids 4 and 5 will pile onto the couch and demand that she read them books. When the baby finishes, the mom will stand up and the baby will glurk all over the place. And chances are, if the baby glurks all over the place, the mom will probably wipe it up with whatever this piece of junk under my foot is--oh, a Laura Numeroff book.

7 comments:

Emommy said...

LOVE. Can't. Stop. Laughing!

Emily Cook said...

hahahaha! I like those books actually, and we have had fun recreating our own versions of cause and effect...

though I'll admit, they were not near as witty and ironic as yours! This is great!!!

Aubri said...

This sounds about right. I just finished reading one of her books to my two year old...for the 40th time...and this comment was typed with poo-hands.

Elizabeth said...

Of course, my Kid 1 insists I read Laura Numeroff books every time I sit down to feed Kid 2. Otherwise, yes, this pretty much sums up my life. Except it's far funnier.

The Rev. BT Ball said...

If you give a pastor a day off, he will probably change the toddlers dirty breeches for the pregnant mommy. He'll then go get grandma from the train station and bring her home. Then, he'll pick up his older kid from the parish school and get manhandled by others wanting to talk to him. He'll definitely get a well deserved look of disgust from the pregnant mommy for walking in the door of the school in the first place and getting back so late. He'll probably sit with the toddler in the bathroom for 1/2 hour to get the man-child to use the potty chair, to no avail. He'll then watch another kid dance around in her ballet suit. Thankfully, Grandma is here to wash clothes, do the dishes and give the mom a break, because a pastor on his day off is not much good after all.

Melrose said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA. OUCH. MY. SIDES!!!! RAHAHAHA!!!!! OK, maybe shouldn't be that funny but it is because with the domino effect mornings all of us have with so many little (and big) ones, how on earth are we supposed to do ANYTHING resembling homeschooling for those of us who have the kids home all day?!?! Here kid, read this math book and try not to get spit up on or eaten...

Rebekah said...

:D

Rev BTB, walking in=novice mistake.