23 September 2010

"An inordinate fondness for beetles"

As we all know, breast milk is a magical substance which can dissolve goiters, sharpen pencils, clean up oil spills, and grow absolutely anyone a head of curly blond hair. Today's news brought us more evidence of its unfathomable powers:

Abbott Laboratories said Wednesday that it has issued a recall of approximately 5 million cans of certain Similac-brand powdered infant formula due to the possibility of the presence of a beetle . . . . The FDA said that this type of beetle, if ingested, could cause discomfort and irritate the gastrointestinal tract, causing the infant to lose appetite.

I have witnessed first hand evidence proving that a breastfed infant is perfectly capable of digesting a beetle with no discomfort, irritation, or loss of appetite whatever. So, mothers of the world, if you don't want your baby set back by such trifles as the intraintestinal beetle, breastfeed.

10 comments:

HappyFox said...

Lol, clean up oil spills!

Monique said...

And beetle eating breastfed infant boys grow up to become big boys who will consume things far worse than beetles- all just to win a dare.

And will nearly hang themselves and younger brothers playing Tarzan in large trees.

And will try and start fires during Field Day at the park, which will result in nearly get kicked out of homeschool co-ops.

Man vs. Wild episodes are prohibited in this house. And to think it all started with something as innocent as breastfeeding.

Melrose said...

I have now had my daily dose of rolling on the floor laughter. Thank you.

Leah said...

We just watched a Man vs. Wild episode last night, where he crushes up about five different huge beetles into a mash and eats them for breakfast (called a beetle burger). He seems strong and healthy to me. Hey, maybe it'll be the new "breakfast of champions". Forget Wheaties.

Untamed Shrew said...

Joy *likes* this.

Erich Heidenreich, DDS said...

My mother loves to tell the story of finding a June Bug in my diaper, fully intact in a fully formed stool. She took it to our pediatrician who pronounced that she should be glad that it passed intact, thereby knowing that it was no longer inside her son.

To give you a time frame, I was born in 1964.

Jane said...

Girls are not excluded from this healthy habit. My 2 year old daughter had a beetle crawling on her shirt. She said "Daddy, get bug off." My husband said, "Flick it off with your hand." So she picked it up and ate it. Problem solved - no more nasty beetles

AmyBean said...

I don't think mine have ever eaten beetles, but my son does like to eat ants. When we moved to our new house we got an infestation of the little tiny black ones, and he would sit in the floor picking them out of the carpet and eating them like Pez. Yummo.

Rebekah said...

We generally prefer ladybugs around here.

Thursday's Child said...

When we were in Kuwait the Little Prince was excited by some ants he saw on the floor. DH told him to eat them. Before DH could stop him he did. Wonder if my husband will ever learn his lesson?