06 March 2009

The most personally offensive things ever said to me/in my presence

(Baby 1)

--That's right, just believe. (copyright on full story held by CPH)

--Push here. (no @@@@@@@@ kidding don't ever touch me again)

--That was a catheter. (NO @@@@@@@@ KIDDING I'M NOT DOPED YOU EVIL WITCH)

(Baby 2)

--Do you know how many people come in here thinking their wives are about to give birth? (note to self: writhe and scream next time)

--You're about 9 1/2 cm. You'll be 10 when the doctor gets here.

--You're about 9 1/2 cm. You'll be 10 when the doctor gets here.

--You're about 9 1/2 cm. You'll be 10 when the doctor gets here.

(Baby arrived before doctor. Mom resolved to quit being polite while travailing even forevermore.)

(Baby 3)

--She just went back in for her curling iron. (after yet another failed push)

--[Ditto (ditto)]

--This tear is bigger than I thought. I guess we should have done the local. (NB for birth partisans: midwife=exactly as human as doctor)

(Baby 4)

--Hmm, I guess I didn't get you numbed up too well. Sorry. (still stitching after all these babies >:( )

--I heard you giving birth. (yeah, well, I had a note to self about that)

Go ahead, tell us yours! :D

15 comments:

Joy said...

Birth 1, from a lactation consultant who'd never had a baby:
"I see the blood, but she's latched on perfectly. It shouldn't hurt." You're FIRED!! Friggin' Fired!

Also, as I neared full dilation with baby 2 the nurse says, "Joy, you're panicking." uhh...ya think?

Joy said...

No, no...I forgot! After Girl 3 the mother-in-law says, "I feel so sorry for breastfed babies. They don't get anything."

MooreMama said...

About 3 weeks ago, because the baby is figuring out who she knows and who she doesn't and hadn't seen MIL in about a month and didn't want to go to her immediately:

"It's because you spoil her. You should leave her with other people more often."

The response in my head:

"I leave her with other people for 47 hours a week. If you want to see her, you know where we are. And I'M THE MAMA! She's supposed to like me best!"

MooreMama said...

ppshaw. spoiled baby. whatev.

Gauntlets said...

Catheter trouble. Yes. And a big struggle over internal fetal monitoring last baby that still has me really, really angry.

Nurses shouldn't be allowed to talk. Doctors shouldn't be allowed cell phones. Or vacations.

Growl.

MooreMama said...

internal fetal monitoring? Ick. They can't jsut do the strapped around the belly thingamajig that I had?

Mossback Meadow said...

-I announce pregnancy as oldest son joins army and people says, "Ah, you see, there's a reason that you're having this baby." ?????? ( what am I supposed to think - that son is never coming back?)

-Baby #3 - baby is just expelled and midwife says, "I've never seen anything like this before." ( She was talking about the extra empty bag of water that followed).

-3 months after Baby #3 - Aunt pokes my tummy and says, "Now you just need to lose the beef!"

Rebekah said...

Joy, all men are liars, and double that for lactation consultants.

Mossback, I left out some choice postpartum remarks. >:(

Melanie said...

--midwife 5 weeks after birth, "wow, you tore straight up to your cervix, bet that hurt!"

same midwife at same apt:
"I wouldnt blame you if you got a c-section next time, you've got a ton of scar tissue now!"

hmmm. tear where tears are normal or be sliced open, let me see...(Then again I hear perineal massage can do a world of wonders, so maybe next time tearing won't be a factor!)

Pam said...

Uh, what happened to the Victorian sensibilities? ;o)

Personally I try very hard to forget those remarks... I thank God that I have found a doctor who is so supportive of my preferences yet firm with me when it's needed.

One of my nurses during the labor with baby #1 did tell me bfing is not supposed to hurt, that you are just supposed to feel a pulling sensation, and if it hurts then you're doing it wrong. Never mind that she was young and had no children(=never BF!)

Since then that's been one of my soapbox topics... YES it hurts, and for a long time. But it doesn't hurt forever. I think it's sad that so many young women give up so soon because they think it's not supposed to hurt.

Yep, that's right up there with my telling new moms that the myth perpetuated in the medical field that goes "If you put your baby on his tummy to sleep, he WILL DIE" is a load of CRAP. After the first two babies, I finally quit being scared-- the other six have slept on tummies... and slept FAR better, I might add. (= MOM slept better too!)

My offensive comments are more along the lines of "Don't you know what causes that and how to stop it" said to me by some old lady in a store, as I walked by with two kids in the cart and one in the belly.

Although, like MooreMama, I HAVE heard plenty of comments about 'spoiling' the baby or them being a 'mama's girl/boy' when he/she cries when someone else tries to hold the baby. Mostly this has come from parishioners, but also from inlaws. My mom didn't like it when baby #1 cried for her, but that's what is going to happen when family lives so far away that you don't see one another often, and they don't KNOW you.

Rebekah said...

My personal Victorianism pertains to man and wife, not so much mother and child. :)

Pam said...

ah, got it.

Lauriinnc said...

I love when you gals get on your soapboxes. I'm cheering at my computer!

Yeah...my babies have all slept on their tummies. When I was a baby, THAT was the advice. I figured the kid falls asleep on me (or dh) tummy-to-tummy and putting him in the same position in the bed would feel more the same.

I think I must forget the stupid things people say..or have gotten used to the ignorant comments about having so many.

The older ones and I like to see the horror on people's faces when we answer "10" heeheehee Honestly I can't believe it either so I understand how they feel!

The meanest thing that happened was one Christmas, someone from church sent an unsigned Christmas card with a condom in it. We only had 6 at the time...pregnant with #7.

Rebekah said...

Lauri, OH MY!!!! >:O

Pam said...

Lauri,

That is soooo funny! I mean after one gets over the horribleness of it, the ignorance and the boldness are really quite humorous.

And yet it's so. very. mean. :o(